Deogi's Journal

I am lost here.

I feel myself dying a little more each moment.

Here, where my enemies are all around me.

Here, without you.

Without the love I felt each day with you.

I'm am stuck in this desolate quandery.

Where the only ray of hope that I have,

is the knowledge that one day, they shall

Stab me in the back and end my suffering.

They will come for me,

Like the cold hand of death itself.

Only, I would welcome death.

For what is this life worth without you?

I have no reason to smile,

Nor laugh,

Nor live.

I have no will to do either.

I am a shell of the woman you had made me.

You're love had created in me,

The peace and kindness of who I was.

Here, on the land of our enemy,

I am dead.

I fear they will kill me soon.

I fear I will die your enemy.

I fear they will write on my stone,

"Died of a broken spirit."

Correct them, will you?

Please, correct them.

Tell them it was not my spirit,

But my heart that was broken.

Tell them they were not the death of me.

No, never that.

Tell them my love for you killed me.

For I love you still.

Even when I see you,

My heart heals a bit more,

But my soul cracks again.

I feel joy that I can be with you,

But pain that I can never stay.

When I close my eyes,

I can almost pretend I am with you.

I can almost see us laughing,

And smiling, and embracing.

I can almost feel the love that you gave me.

But when I open my eyes,

I remember where I am.

Where I have been for far too long.

Every morning, I like to think,

That this is all a nightmare.

I have merely been dreaming the last year.

But when I open my eyes,

I realize this is the kind of nightmare,

You can never awaken from.

They are coming for my soon,

I can feel it.

Our enemy.

They are coming to kill me.

They hate me so.

For what I am,

And what I refuse to be.

I shall welcome death,

Like a child to her mother's bosom.

I shall welcome it,

And take my last breath to say,

"Finally, I am at peace....

Thank you."