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ForMomsOnly 
9:03am, May 20, 2009
As your personal notes begin to arrive for our winter story, this piece happened to be the first I read. It is from Eman (amoney) in Saudi. The feelings and memories she expresses are so tender and I find myself in tears. She has written what, I think, so many of us feel.
From : amoney | hug amoney
Sent : 11/4/09, 4:15 am Subject: Re: 4 o'clock in the morning
It is 4'oclock in the morning. evey day at this time the clock ring Nour wakes up wash her face brush her teeth comb her har. come to the livingroom where i sit says Goodmorning mama.
i look at her she is angel quite girl.sitting on the floor the same place she used to sit on. open her school bag pick up the book she needs to review for an exam, start reading quitly . i ask her do u need to drink something? as she shy girl she answer no mom thanks. some days she says fine i may drink nescafe and i will make it for us. she stands tall girl , neat walking slowly to the kitchen to make for me and her nescafe i like to watch this girl proudly.
i look at her with no words i dont want to bother her coz she is studying. she is clever girl she vever give a chance to tell her to study, she does everything by herself. i drink my nescafe without looking at her i dont embarace her coz as i saied she iis shy girl evn from me and from her dad, if she needs to ask me somethng she ask behind the wall or the sofa.
at 6 o'clock she wakes her sisters and brother to be ready for the school she doesnt want to bother me by this too. she wanted to do her responsibiliteis by herself. she is cute. now it turns me to watch her after she wear her school uniform how beautiful she is. where is she now> who will i wach? i waited for long time after her death at 4 o'clock telling myself she may any time wake up and come to me where am sitting and say goodmornng mama.
the fiirst day of her funeral it rained do you believe ? her in my country it is rarly rain and we were waiting the rain whole wnter time and suddenly it rained??????? i looked out of the window it is dark with lightning u see the rain falling down softly and the trees moving right and left as the say GOOD BUY NOUR FOREVER. i felt that the street , the stairs, the buikding are sad wondering where is NOUR she used to walk, lough and play here. she jump on the stairs quickly. the winter time loves NOUR coz it knows that Nour loves it and she loves the snow and wshed to play under the rain. the rain was waiting for her to play again and again under it. but for 3 days the rain never stopped after 3 days the funeral finished and the rain too.
everybody told me that the connection between Nour and rain is stronge both stopped. and really we never see the rain since that time even in the last winter it never rained.
she loved winter she died in it. she loved thursday she died in this day. she loved rain she died under the rain. and all the darkness in this day was inside me.
but when i looked out of the window i saw her dancing under the rain as she used to dance and says am an angel in the sky and turn with loughing i smiled sadness smile looking at her runing under the rain away i couldnt stop her coz she knows where to go. i stucked in my place waving to her GOODBUY NOUR . i send her everyday my missing with tears
i look at her she is angel quite girl.sitting on the floor the same place she used to sit on. open her school bag pick up the book she needs to review for an exam, start reading quitly . i ask her do u need to drink something? as she shy girl she answer no mom thanks. some days she says fine i may drink nescafe and i will make it for us. she stands tall girl , neat walking slowly to the kitchen to make for me and her nescafe i like to watch this girl proudly.
i look at her with no words i dont want to bother her coz she is studying. she is clever girl she vever give a chance to tell her to study, she does everything by herself. i drink my nescafe without looking at her i dont embarace her coz as i saied she iis shy girl evn from me and from her dad, if she needs to ask me somethng she ask behind the wall or the sofa.
at 6 o'clock she wakes her sisters and brother to be ready for the school she doesnt want to bother me by this too. she wanted to do her responsibiliteis by herself. she is cute. now it turns me to watch her after she wear her school uniform how beautiful she is. where is she now> who will i wach? i waited for long time after her death at 4 o'clock telling myself she may any time wake up and come to me where am sitting and say goodmornng mama.
the fiirst day of her funeral it rained do you believe ? her in my country it is rarly rain and we were waiting the rain whole wnter time and suddenly it rained??????? i looked out of the window it is dark with lightning u see the rain falling down softly and the trees moving right and left as the say GOOD BUY NOUR FOREVER. i felt that the street , the stairs, the buikding are sad wondering where is NOUR she used to walk, lough and play here. she jump on the stairs quickly. the winter time loves NOUR coz it knows that Nour loves it and she loves the snow and wshed to play under the rain. the rain was waiting for her to play again and again under it. but for 3 days the rain never stopped after 3 days the funeral finished and the rain too.
everybody told me that the connection between Nour and rain is stronge both stopped. and really we never see the rain since that time even in the last winter it never rained.
she loved winter she died in it. she loved thursday she died in this day. she loved rain she died under the rain. and all the darkness in this day was inside me.
but when i looked out of the window i saw her dancing under the rain as she used to dance and says am an angel in the sky and turn with loughing i smiled sadness smile looking at her runing under the rain away i couldnt stop her coz she knows where to go. i stucked in my place waving to her GOODBUY NOUR . i send her everyday my missing with tears
Comments
A beautiful and painful journal....the smallest things are often the most missed. Simply watching Nour sit quietly studying brought her mom so much joy. Amazing and wonderful to me that Nour loved winter, Thursdays, and rain, and those things were given to her on her last day on this earth. I will think of Nour each time I'm caught in the rain and I will say hello. Peace and love to Nour and her mama.
RememberKala
What a beautiful picture of a precious soul. So proud to be doing all these things for her family. Gentle peace this day.
Livingjuicy
OH such a a beautiful put sad story. We never know what little memory we might have that will see us through the day. I'm so sure that Nour is watching over you everyday and her brothers & sisters too. May you find some peace in this site & I know you will find lots of love....Hugs, Connie
ConH
Yes it is such a beautiful journal and very sad I could picture a girl dancing in the rain. I too will think of her now each time it rains and say a little prayer for her.
davidjsmom
What a beautiful and sad story. Dance in the sweet rain, Nour.
ColleenF
Rain counters the sadness in this story somehow....it seems to have brought Nour's mother a certain peace...the much needed rain conflicts with the leaving of a daughter....but the rareness of rain is an analogy of the necessity of rain and how it is conducive to life....even everlasting life....I like how it is written in broken English...I can hear the accent as I read. Thank you for sharing.
Kingsdaughter
Such a tender and precious story. All across the world, all mothers mourn the loss of their child. I will often think of Nour dancing when I see the rain. Thank you for sharing with us Barb. Love Robin
Robin4
Thank you for sharing. So precious is our memories of our children. Thank God we can hold them in our hearts and remember them when we need to be reminded of our precious angels. I love y'all.
Debbie
deborahd
Wow...so beautiful and like so many before...I will think of Nour on a Thursday...dancing in the rain...Karen
biowoman
Thanks for sharing and letting us imagine Nour as she dances in the rain. Hugs, Kim
KimRW
Oh, what a poignant and powerful memory from a loving mother. Her words demonstrate the unity and empathy of all mothers who have lost a child.
Hugs, Rebecca
rcoco
What a lovely journal. Thank you for sharing.
Ericksmom
This is so lovely. Such a touching description of our pain, even in the broken english. I think that I will think of Nour each time that I am caught in the rain.
BinkyH