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ForMomsOnly 
9:03am, May 20, 2009
From momp:
hello to all my friends and sisters and brothers in christ i am asking that you keep me in your prayers on tomorrow as i have total knee replacement surgery at 7:30am at vacavalley hospital i will be there until friday pray all goes well and that god would meet me there lead guide and dricted the doctors and that my recovery will be speedy i thank you all inadvance for you prayers and love and support remember only what you do for christ will last the prayers of the righteous advelleth much much prayer much power,little prayer little power i thank god for all that he has done thus far for me and i know he will bring me through this pray for me i will be off for awhile but will remember you all in my prayers god bless you always is my prayer much love barbara.
From EvansMom:
I just got a note from one of our new members asking why I didn't have my own story posted. Some clarification is in order...
Evan was 24 and I had 'known' for many years that he would never see his 25th birthday. We teased that he had nine lives and he did his best to prove us right. He was on a first name basis with the ER staff at an early age which wasn't a good sign. Evan had severe ADHD, was bi-polar of the sad/angry type and had a borderline genius IQ. He was loving, kind, incredibly funny, a talented musician and very insecure. He was high maintenance but utterly irresistable. No matter what he did, we couldn't stay mad at him for long.
He was living in Alabama, married not-so-happily, and had just been promoted to the youngest field supervisor they'd ever had. On Sunday afternoon, he had a quick zoom down the street on his motorcycle, hit a patch of wet leaves and went into a slide that he couldn't recover from. He was airlifted to UAB hospital and kept on life support until we got there. On September 11, 2006 at 2 a.m., I felt him leave us - and I thought that, at last, he would be at peace and be happy.
Evan's heart went to Emily, then 12 years old, who had days left to live. His liver went to Sanford, a wonderful man in South Carolina. His pancreas and a kidney went to Greg from Mississippi who has made it his mission to call me every holiday and any of the days he thinks "a momma needs her boy". He has Evan's spirit and is similar to him in so many ways; he is part of this family forever. Another kidney went to a man we don't know anything about - and that's okay. I believe with all my being that this all happened as it was meant to.
As the shock wore off, my grip on sanity became more and more tenuous. There were days of screaming, head-banging, scratching my arms until they bled, hair-pulling - you name it, it was happening and it wasn't good. I then decided that I would research time travel and spent weeks trying to find someone who could take me back to the day before to warn Evan. I tried to find a magician or someone who could poof him back to me. This went on to the point where my family was becoming concerned that I was really losing my mind. (Okay, so the therapist was concerned, too...)
Finding DS, I thought, "Aha! Now I will find someone who understands!" But those who have lost a friend, a sibling, a parent (not to make light of their pain) did NOT get what I was going through. Time heals? Baloney!! So I began to search through the DS bereavement community for mothers, only mothers. It kept me busy for hours and hours every day - and my family was happy because I had stopped the screaming and self-abuse. Eventually, there was quite a little group of us and I decided to make it a 'real' group with its own page. I wanted my own page (EvansMom) to be for me and my feelings and the group page to be for happy thoughts, sharing ideas, inspiration, etc. ForMomsOnly began.
Eventually, we split into two groups: ForMomsOnly for those who had lost an older child and ForMommysOnly for those who had lost a younger child, infant, or had a late term miscarriage. Last year, The Journey ForMomsOnly was begun as a place where those who are further along in their grief share different ideas on how to help the newer moms.
Each of these 'parts' of FMO has its original page (where we journal and have friends) and a group page (where we post news, have members and you can participate in discussions). If you have trouble connecting with us, let me know and someone will help you.
So, that's my story. I am Barbara Smith, EvansMom, from Canton, Georgia. There are so many people who help keep this moving along. AnnM, Ann Millican, is in Washington and maintains The Journey. AnnSullivan posts the monthly dates on the group page. Teri Race, RememberKala, and MunroGirl, Joanne Ravida work on fundraising for our retreats. Karen Gordon, BioWoman, is our unofficial 'greeter'. Jennie Jasgur, LeosMommy, was taking care of ForMommysOnly but we are in need of someone to take her place as she is pretty busy with her year old son and a new business. Any volunteers?
God bless us all and may we find strength and peace in each other...
Comments
Thank you so very much for sharing this. I am so sorry for your loss. My son will have his first angel anniversary this thursday. oct 29. i just dont know what else to say, but i do appreciate your sharing your story, love, donna
misshimsooo
Barbara, I am so glad you shared your story of Evan. You are such an inspiration.
Love, Barbara
doxylady
Thank you Barbara for sharing Evan with us. You are so appreciated !! Love, Kim
KimRW
Good luck with your surgery and I hope that you have a speedy recovery. Love, Bonita
bonnieMor
Thank you so much for sharing with us. My love & thoughts are with you always. Hugs!
Momp, my SIL had the same surgery. It worked wonders for her. You will be in my prayers. Love, Lucille
joeymom
thank you Barbara for sharing your story with us. I had often wondered too why there was no journal about your loss. Now we know and my heart is with you. We so appreciate what you have done here. It is a ministry unto itself. Below is my prayer for you surgery:
Dear Heavenly Father, please give Barbara the courage and strength to endure her knee replacement...heal her quickly,comfort her pain...please guide the surgeon's hands, let there be no complications. Please Father, let her caregivers be kind and patient, tending to your child as she recovers. We have faith that You will provide all of her needs. Thank You for Your love and mercy, all this is asked in Jesus' Name....Amen
Kingsdaughter
Barbara, you will do great witn your surgery, I feel it.
Thank you for your story.
MaryLou (Jennsmom66)
JennsMom66
Good to hear from you Barbara and to know a little about your story. i am so glad to hear about your son being an organ donor and the lives he was able to save what a blessing at such a horrible time. I do you and pray that all of our children including Jesus will be watching over you and continue to bless you with a speedy operation and recovery. Take care my friend
Tammy
roknauntt
God bless our friend as she recovers from surgery.
I love Barbara and thank God daily for you and all the mothers here. I wouldn't be as far as I am on this journey if God hadn't directed me to ds and for mom's only.
Debbie
deborahd
Thanks for sharing so much, Barbara! I wish so much that I had had the chance to donate Michael's organs. It is so beautiful. Love to you. Belinda
BinkyH
You needed to do that! We all need a refresher course on where it all began and YOUR story...I just added "my" story to the discussion page at firefly60? suggestion...which was a really good one. Love you woman...Karen
biowoman
Thanks my love.. I love you so much and you are my hero...
munrogirl
I will be thinking of you and praying. Thanks for all of this.
momjmc
i think its great that you have gotten to know some of the people your son was able to save. I am praying for a speedy recovery on your knee.
gina
keagansmom
Thank you for sharing. I love you.
ColleenF
Thank you for sharing your story about your wonderful son Evan. My son, Eddie passed suddenly on 9/4/09 apparently of natural causes in his sleep - we are still awaiting autopsy report. He was my only child.He was 37. He leaves a son & daughter who are in as bad a shape as I am. I, too, feel that I am losing my mind. I feel guilt that I should've known he was sick somehow & fill guilt over every mistake I ever made as a parent even though in my rational brain I know how much we both loved each other. Eddie & I shared so much. I will pray for your surgery & full, fast recovery. Sincerely, KandL
KandL
Barb, I knew about Evan's accident but didn't know all the details and especially about all those who received a new life because of him. I weep as I read that Greg calls you on holidays. How bittersweet that call must be. Thank you for sharing and thanks for all you do for each of us mothers. You wear big shoes my friend and they will never be filled so you have to stay around for a looooooooooooooooooong time. Love you. Robin
Robin4
Barbara, Sweetie you are in my prayers and I'll keep you there. I pray for a recovery to come quicqly and totally.
To Evan's Mom, I am very sorry for your loss, and those empty words are all I can do, but pray for you. I will pray for you. I am a mom who has lost all my children (I had 2 sons) and I also lost my beautiful step daughter. My youngest son,Paul, soumds alot like your son. Paul died at 29,April 2, 2003 of an accidental drug overdosee. Paul never did anything just 100%. He had to do it 120%. He was special. My other son never got over Paul's death. Steven thought because he was 5 years older than Paul, that he should have died before his "baby brother." Those were Steven's word. Steven was just depressed, and we did all we could think of to do. We even got him to a counseler and on antidepressants. WE could not go over and force his meds on him everynight or force him to go to his counseler. Steven took his own life DEC 10, 2007. Karla took her own life only 3 days after Steven's memorial service. She was 34.( Karla had the same Dad as boys, but I was not her mother.) She lived the last 5 or 6 years with Steven or right on our street. You are right. all grief is awful and it hurts, and is hard. Loosing your child is a grief just beyond that though. It is unnatural for us to see our children die. Bless you, and I will pray for you. I consider all of us here on DS sisters of the heart, because only a mom who has been through it understands us. My love and Prayers,Peggy
grndmudder