tbhope1's Journal

I wanted to share with anybody who has trouble with exercise that I've been doing Tai Chi from a video I got from the library for about a week, and I love it!  It is something I can do without hurting myself and I can stop when I get tired.  So far I can only do it for about 5-10 minutes, but at least I feel like I've done something to help myself.  I am going to have to buy a video so I can work with it all the time.

I have lots of work to do this week, and would love to have more energy to do it, but I have to tell myself one step at a time.  I have three big areas that I have to work on, so I have to prioritize which one is most important. 

I do everything I can to feel good, or at least to get through the day.  I drink good antioxidant juice in the morning, I eat peanut butter and jelly oatnut toast for breakfast, I take an antidepressant, three pain killers a day, and another antidepressant that helps me sleep at night somewhat.  I eat lunch, and supper, and now I do Tai Chi.  My only bad habit is drinking a can of Mountain Dew every day, and sometimes as many as two.  But I drink water in-between that, and alternate with green tea sometimes.  I take good-quality vitamins, and started taking more vitamin D3.  I don't do much exercise normally and I know that people tell me I should, but they don't feel like I do. 

I still get hot flashes since the surgery in March, and they contribute to my general bad feeling.  Since getting them I stopped drinking coffee except for a half of cup in the morning with my toast.  So the only thing that contributes to them is the soda and the pain killers set them off too when I first take a pill.  Please don't ask me to give up the Mountain Dew as I have the chronic Fatigue with the Fibromyalgia, and it is the only thing that gives me the instant energy in the afternoon. 

I don't smoke or drink alcohol.  I have never done drugs until I was prescribed the antidepressants and pain killers.  I have high anxiety and work hard to not get depressed.

Since a car accident almost two years ago now, I stopped sleeping at night without some type of pill.  So I sleep maybe 4 to 6 hours, then I have to get up and rest on the couch with a heating pad for two to three hours until I can start my day.

I suppose you are wondering why I am writing all this.  I guess I am re-evaluating why I still don't feel good.  I also wonder if people will mind if I stay on the Uterine Cancer forum, even though I write about Fibromyalgia most of the time.  But I've made more friends on the Uterine Cancer forum.  No one has ever personally written to me from the Fibromyalgia forum, even though there seems to be many more people.  Maybe it's because people with Fibromyalgia get caught up in their own misery and can't encourage others.  I hope I never get so bad that I can't encourage others anymore. 

I don't want to accept that I have Fibromyalgia.  I was scared with cancer because that is a life or death diagnosis sometimes, but there is a specific treatment for it and you get more attention from doctors and others who sympathize with you.  I don't mean that I need attention, but Fibromyalgia is a long drawn-out, life-time diagnosis, and after a while you get left in the dust by frustrated doctors and therapists who can no longer help you.  I worry that because I don't exercise much, maybe that will contribute to another bout with cancer.  I know I had it easy with only radiation. 

I'm scared now because we just lost our insurance in November, so I'm scrambling to find something else.  We lost it because it was based on our daughter's age, and now that she is 19, we no longer qualify.  It will be interesting to see how I will see the doctor next time for my checkups or how I will be able to get my medications.  Maybe God is trying to tell me something. 

Wow, this writing sure took a different turn than I intended.  I must have needed to talk more than I realized!  I don't know if this one will help anybody other than to realize that they have a great life and make them feel grateful.  I also have a great life with a husband that loves me and three super kids and friends and God.  Just wanted to throw that in there too.

Sorry this is so long.  Guess it will fit under the "wandering" entry!  (I mean rambling)