sdonig01's Journal

I have been struggling with getting baptized.  It has been pulling at my heart recently and I believe it is a commandment.  Not required for salvation but never the less the next step in my walk.  I went to the three week class at my church and I am getting baptized this Sunday.  I told my mom and she said she wished I had told her sooner because she would love to be there, to my surprise.  I told my dad and had a conversation with him about how he is going to church with his girlfriend and they told him he can not take communion without being baptized.  I told him it was not a requirement and that they were wrong.  I struggled with communion too.  I thought I was not allowed and was not supposed to but after asking some questions I was told that all I needed was a belief in Jesus that he died for my sins on the cross and rose again.  I have been taking communion for the past few months.  The following are a few versus that hold significance in my heart and my testimonial.

James 2:26

For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also.

1 Cor 10:13

But remember that the temptations that come into your life are no different from what others experience.  He will keep the temptation from becoming so strong that you can't stand up against it.  When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you will not give in to it.

Ephesians 6:10-20 The Whole Armor of G-d

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.  Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes.  For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.  Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.  Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.  In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.  Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.  And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests.  With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.  Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.

Psalm 23The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not be in want.He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. 

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It was all about me.  My ego and pride guided my actions.  I would say I am a good person and my actions were not hurting anyone but me.  I was wrong.  I would help you as long as I got something out of it.  I was the center of the universe.  All I wanted to do was get high.  That was what my life was all about.  I was hopeless, scared and desperate.  I was stuck chasing my tail with no direction or purpose. 

April 22, 2007.  I was struggling with the whole Jesus thing.  I was struggling with not getting high.  Drugs and alcohol brought me to my knees.  Being raised Jewish, I believed in G-d but He really was not doing anything for me.  I looked to Him when I needed something.  I was going to a Friday night AA group called the James Gang.  They are more of a Christian fellowship than anything else.  I had been presented with the bible and told to read it daily.  They never pushed Jesus on me but they let me know what he had done for them.  Being the smart guy that I am, I went looking for evidence.  I always thought Jesus was a good teacher and that was about it.  After doing some reading, it became clear he either was a lunatic, a liar or he was the Lord our G-d.  Some of my reading included More than a Carpenter, Case for Christ, Case for Faith and Case for Easter.  I was looking for the smoking gun, the burning bush.  Well, no such event occurred but I was overcome with hope.  Why was I here and what should I do?  I prayed and asked my group questions.  I started attending GBC with a friend and his family.  I was afraid of what my mom would say but that was more of an excuse because I had a reservation to get high again.  I was at the end of my rope and I was hoping that this was the right decision for me.  Finally, I made the decision that Jesus was my Lord and Savior and died on the cross for my sins.  I was not perfect, I was not the center of the universe and I would continue to fall short on a daily basis.  It was no longer about me.  I asked out loud for help.  Jesus helped me to stand up.  He gave me the hope and encouragement to continue to fight the battle.  One of my favorite verses is James 2:26 “For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also.”  For me, this meant it was time to walk the talk.  Put up or shut up.  It was time to change and I was going to be held accountable.  For the first time in my life I was looking forward to tomorrow, still scared but hopeful.

Amazing Grace says it all.  I was lost but now am found, was blind but now can see.  I am a good person who has been given a conscious of the Holy Spirit.  I think about others and try to put others needs before my own.  I want to spread the word that there is a permanent solution to the problem of addiction (sin) to anyone who will listen.  Jesus has done for me what I was so unable to do for myself.  He has removed the obsession and compulsion to use and abuse drugs and alcohol.  All my life’s bumps and bruises pale in comparison to his sacrifice for me.  I still struggle daily to find my way through life’s obstacles but today I have help and encouragement.  Today, I have the armor needed to win the war.  Ephesians 6:10-21 is another one of my favorite passages.  Practical advice how to defeat the deceiver.  The battle is waged everyday of my life.  Today, I try to never go to bed mad or angry with anyone.  I ask for forgiveness daily and try not to repeat poor behaviors.  Today, I like myself.  Today, I strive to be the person G-d wants me to be.  Today, I am not afraid to ask for help.  Today, I will stumble but today, I will get up and continue to fight.  When people ask me why me, why pain and suffering, I respond with G-d has a plan for all of us.  Why bad things happen, I DO NOT KNOW.  But because I believe in G-d, I believe there is a purpose for everything we go through.  A lesson to be learned.  No coincidences.  People and things happen into our lives for a good reason.  Today, I try to remain humble.  Today, I am grateful.  Today, I have hope for a better tomorrow.