sdonig01's Journal

I have been thinking about what I would like to say at my Friday night group anniversary meeting.  I know it’s better to just let it come from the heart.  Many AA’ers don’t like our group and are threatened by it, I guess.  Recovered is on the front page of the Big Book.  I do not know what they are afraid of.  All I want to do is spread the truth that there is hope and a solution to our problem.  It used to say, Never have we seen a person fail who has followed our steps with rigorous honesty.  This is what I would like to sound like…

Okay, so first and for most I would like to say that G-d has done for me what I was so unable to do for myself.  Now, I would like to clarify that you do not need G-d to recover from drugs and alcohol however; I know that I need G-d to be forgiven for my sins.  That means that whatever I do and however I live my life G-d will be watching.  Since I have accepted Jesus as my Savoir, I am now expected to conduct myself in a certain manner.  That means that it is not about me today.  Like the Big Book says, we only keep what we have by giving it to others.  Love G-d and love our neighbors, sums that up pretty clearly.  A quick background on me.  I was raised in a reformed Jewish home and brought up believing in G-d.  When drugs and alcohol took control of my life, I was unable to break the cycle of use and abuse.  Not that it matters but I was a low life junkie/drunk who was somewhat functioning.  I thought of myself as a nice person but that meant I was nice as long I got something in return.  So, I used to say I was spiritual but not religious, whatever that means.  It meant that I was in control and I was driving the bus.  Well, that bus went off the road quit a few times and finally I did not have the answer.  Drugs and alcohol brought me to my knees.  The James Gang helped me to figure out what I needed to do.  I read many books – Big Book, Good Book, Case for Christ, Case for Faith, Case for Easter and More than a Carpenter to name a few.  I was looking for proof that Jesus was who he said he was.  I wanted a smoking gun.  Sometimes I think I am too smart for my own good.  After all my reading and thinking the proof was right in front of me.  The people in the James Gang are two bit junkies/drunks just like me and they had something I wanted, peace.  The carried themselves in a manner that was pretty obvious.  So I made a decision, that Jesus was who he said he was and that forgiveness and hope was a decision away.  That was the turning point.  I started to learn that all of us are sinners and all of us are forgiven.  There was no bright light or voice from above but there was a feeling of peace and a hunger to be a better person.  Helping others was the clearest way I saw to helping myself.  My selfishness still fed into the fact that I received some gratification by helping others but it was a step in the right direction.  So, when I finally decided that Jesus was who he said he was, I was given the gift of grace.  To me, that meant that I was still a sinner and failed miserably on a daily basis but that today, I understand when I fall short and it bothers me.  The Holy Spirit has given me a conscious.  I know it might sound hookie but today is a good day.  Through the ups and downs, things today are good.  The James Gang is about helping anyone develop a relationship with G-d and being set free from the obsession and compulsion to use and abuse drugs and alcohol.  I still speak with my sponsor pretty much on a daily basis but the fact of he matter is that I have access to G-d 24/7 365.  In the beginning, when I was too stubborn to pick up the phone, picking up the Truth (Good Book) often got my thoughts away from the obsessive thoughts.  So, I am here tonight to guarantee that if you put your faith in G-d, you will be set free.  He will do for you what you were so unable to do for yourself!  I am not trying to convince anyone that Jesus is the answer to everything.  I think the Holy Spirit will do that for you when the time is right.  I am trying to tell you that accepting Jesus into my heart has saved my life and I hope that he will enter your heart someday too.