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BAB09 
3:03pm, August 22, 2009
He has been on probation for 3 months, so it is half way finished and we are just now having our first meeting, and that one is a result of husband insisting on it. Son sat there and lied to the probation officer in order to give her the impression that he is the ideal juvenile who is behaving properly. He agreed that he was preparing for college, while he tells us repeatedly that his goal is to drop out and live at the beach. She ate it up and suggested that he take a train or plane trip with a friend to visit college campuses. She suggested culinary school (?!?) She complemented his hair cut, which was cut by a friend of his 6 months ago and has been kept under a wool cap since then. She asked about his adherance to 6pm curfew, which isn't a problem because he has no friends. Son just fed her lines, and then when the meeting appeared to be ending, I had to be the one to inquire about a drug test. The entire reason for the visit. She turned to him and asked him what he thought. He stated that he felt he would fail it, due to "slipping" 3 weeks ago. He took the test and passed it, and now he is thoroughly convinced that he can skate through the system and do whatever he wants. He has no respect for authority. He lied and lied to her, but she doesn't care because he isn't they typical juvenile she sees who is a repeat offender and has no aptitude. He is sly and conversational, and witty and humorous, and charming, and he will steal your purse as he is telling you his plans for the future.
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Can't you call and talk to her? I used to call my son's probation officer whenever I had a concern. My son was also extremely good at manipulating and putting on an act.
mom of 3
I have an email put together that I haven't sent (she had told us that email was the best way to communicate). My husband is in Greece, and he returns tomorrow and it has been so overwhelming having to "babysit" my son for the last 2 1/2 weeks, I kind of just want to let my husband handle this one. Overall we do not think that Parole Officers do much good; their job seems to be just to fill in the blanks and move on to the next delinquent in line. In the email that wasn't sent I point out that he lied to her during the meeting, I will cc: her supervisor when I or my husband finally send it just so that they know what's going on. This is one of several occassions where figures of authority (police, etc.) have let us down, and I think it is because we appear affluent in comparison to the other families they see; they simply do not take our problems seriously. But each time he slips through, he learns that he can outsmart everyone else, and he is really developing a feeling of power. I know it sounds crazy, but I almost want him to fail a drug test or be caught out after 6pm curfew just so that he can learn that these things matter. How did you handle it when you felt manipulated? Does it do any good to let him know how you feel, or are they unable to empathize? My son does not seem to have any ability to feel remorse for his bad deeds. I would have thought that 4 years of therapy would have produced SOMETHING. Thanks for commenting and letting me vent, I feel better now. I hope things are well with you, too.
BAB09