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SPFan7 
feeling like a long december already; it's getting cold outside && the weeks are going by as usual, dragging on while i'm here but seeming to have passed rapidly when the weekend comes ... what can i do? i'm alone as much as ever; the faces all blur out a little bit & start to look the same after awhile as i've been here longer&longer & everyone is still a stranger to me. i'm feeling vaguely existential, just a little bit disconnected from reality or maybe a little too connected to reality; i can't tell who's the crazy one: me or the world. it seems like all the thoughts in my head make perfect logical sense to me, the arguments appear to hold against their various critiques, and yet others don't buy it ... odd. do we really need reasons to believe what we believe? if we buy a philosophy, that seems to be it, no argument will dissuade us from our position. conversation is good; i'm living for conversation @ the moment. i don't know what else to live for; i still can't bring myself to die but i feel like there's nothing worth going on for. i went to an interesting lecture about how bad life is & how it's a morally wrong act to bring another sentient being into the world because that being will feel more pain than joy... maybe having kids is selfish. i sure wish i hadn't been born, but what can i do about that now?
