Journal

I know its been forever since I have been on and maintained contact with everyone, but I needed to take some time and get my life into order. I ended the relationship between my son's father and myself. It was not working but I am happy to report that we are great friends and very civil for our son's sake. I recently got back into the dating scene and I am seeing someone now who also has two kids and lets just say I am getting a view of what it must have been for men to date me lol. 

I start college in the fall to finish my degree for Paralegal and I was recently accepted into Rutgers Law School for the following year! I am very proud of this accomplishment and feel that if I complete this I will prove to society that single young moms can do anything and not all are stuck on welfare doing nothing.

Jonathan is doing well with his Diabetes and even somedays it does get stress ful, my meditation is working and my yoga through wii fit lol. Now me and his father are not so civil. He is still using our son as a meal ticket because if he gives up his rights like he wants to his parents will kick him out. Im tired of him playing daddy of the year when everyone is looking but behind closed doors he cancels visits and neglects our son. My son is gettting older and it hurts him because he understands that daddy is not around and has recently asked me why daddy doesnt like and love him. I am in for another looooong court battle.

Im still seeking employment in this economy and I hope that turns around but so far everything is going good. I still have my breaking down moments but who doesnt? lol 

Ok so I finally have come to a point in my life where I have finally realised I need to talk to somone or some people about the issues I go through. I need to know I am not the only one with these issues. I also feel it can be therapeutic for me also if I can give advice and raise someone else's spirits.

I feel sometimes like the whole world is on my shoulders. There are times that I am just questioning God which I know I shouldnt (dont mean to get religious for those who arent religious but I am a little religious and this is my journal so) question him but he sure can throw me some curve balls. I wonder why it is that I have to go through everything I have gone through. If your reading this and youve seen the support groups I have joined, you will notice there are quite a few of them. Each one of them has a purpose to me and I really hope this site helps me cope because its starting to be over bearing. WHo am i kidding, it has always been over bearing.

My family doesnt really see the stress I have or the emotional problems I have because I hide it so well. I put on that smile and great attitude because I feel selfish if I start talking about my problems because I so know that there are people out there that have bigger problems then me. But I cant do it anymore. Ive done it for years and the passed year has really tested me and Im breaking. There I have officially said it. Im starting to break. I know I should have started seeing a therapist a long time ago, back when I was a teenager, but I brushed it aside. I can only say that Im tired of being sad, Im tired of taking things out on the loved ones that do nothing wrong to deserve my rants. I want to be happy more then what I am. That was very hard for me to say because I have problems admitting it, but hey you have to start somewhere, right?