AmberLynnC's Journal

Here is a general update of what has been happening since Tuesday...

The thoughts that I mentioned in my last journal have increased; last night, I probably started thinking about those things from about 5.00p, up until 11.00p, and the thoughts were more intense also. My uncle ended up having my aunt come over for dinner last night, mostly so I could tell her what has been going on with not only the meds and my thoughts, but also about my eating. She seemed to be more understanding than usual, and she decided she didn't want me coming to her house to watch her dog next week, and then she decided I shouldn't watch him at all. Yesterday afternoon my uncle was wondering if he should hold on to my meds for a little while; at first, I was kind of insulted by the idea (he only suggested it because I had told him that I had thought about over dosing, so I shouldn't have been insulted, but I guess it had to do more with the fact that he didn't trust me to stay safe...), but then last night, I decided that him holding onto them might be a good idea. I don't know where he put them, and he put out a seperate bottle for me to put the appropriate doses in (he kept it with him last night, gave it to me this morning).

Last night, my uncle asked me if I thought we should go to the hospital, or to Network 180 (N180 is like a community mental health type place), and I said no to both. Then this morning before he left, he explained that this is really hard for him; if I were one of his clients, and I told him how I was feeling, he would have already made sure that I went to N180, and then to the hospital from there. He also said it was hard for him not knowing if I was going to be ok. I realize how hard this must be for him; I went through a similar experience with my mom before she died... But right now, I really don't want to go to the hospital if that can be avoided; my uncle told me that he would rather avoid the hospital too, but he is thinking that that might help me to become more stable...

I am meeting with my counselor today, who I e-mailed, and talked to yesterday. She is trying to get a hold of my psychiatrist to see what he thinks, and apparently she mentioned to my uncle that we might go to N180... I so hope that all of this works out....