MyTy's Journal

Ok. Cried most of the day, no big surprise there. Oatmeal and a can of cream corn for dinner. Wheel of Fortune is on and I swore I'd never watch that show-I hate it. So, might as well put down on paper what happened the other day that may be evidence I have truly just lost it completely.

Thursday after being so upset that I couldn't see the grief counselor because someone there screwed up I came home and just had a complete meltdown. It was like the first night after Ty died, the sobbing was uncontrollable complete with heart pounding, throwing up and hyperventilating.

In the 2nd bedroom on the dresser sits the tin with Ty's remains, a folded flag that came with the tin (supposedly from the service since he had been in the army years ago) is on top with an angel pin attached to it. The tin is so cheap and ugly that I have a 4x6 picture of the rainbow and orange tree I took on Christmas day propped up on it right in the front. This has been like this since I moved into this apartment early January.

During my meltdown I went there dropped on my knees and wrapped my arms around the tin with my head on the flag and just sobbed. while still out of control feeling like I was going to die, I got up, put the picture back in front of it and sat on the bed which is 2 feet from the dresser. I looked up and the picture had done a 90 degree turn and was just free standing sideways. There is no frame. I couldn't believe my eyes-it made me stop crying. I sat there logically trying to figure out how it was doing it. I got up, and put it back propped in front again. While standing there it turned again. I thought come on must be the air conditioner wind doing this. I shut off the air conditioner. The picture stood there until I picked it up again. It is impossible for a thin picture to stand on it's own like that. This picture did this 3 times. Around the tin it felt like some type of pulling force. Very very strange. A little later I ran out to mail a letter. Went back to the tin, the picture was as I left it but when I put my hands on the dresser the picture started gently moving front to back like quivering but did not turn-then it stopped. It has not done it since-believe me I check a lot!!!! Theres no pulling feeling anymore around the tin. I cannot make the picture stand up it just falls like one would expect. I just don't  know. I would give anything if it was Ty in some form doing that to let me know he is near and make me stop crying-I really felt like I was going to explode and die.

The next day was his birthday. I went to the library to get a grief book. There were just 2 short shelves with this type of book. I looked at every book on the shelves just reading the titles on the binder-didn't touch any at that point. All of the books were upright-there is no doubt in my mind because I looked at everyone. I looked again at the top shelf then looked down at the second and a teal color book titled Dying was sticking out on it's side.  I know I'm stressed to the max but I also know I'm not nuts!! I'm not one to believe in supernatural stuff very much so I'm baffled. I guess I'm just chalking it up to something I can't explain.