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JennyMay 
3:25pm, November 13, 2009
Can't take it anymore. Can't take feeling like this. Feeling like my life is over at 23. Feeling like I don't deserve the good things in life. Oh sure I could take anti-stinking-depressant, but what will that solve? Will that tiny pill repair my relationship? Will it pack my things and move me back home? Will it fix my sex life? Will it quit my job for me? Will it entice my friends to talk to me again? Zoloft doesn't do shit other than mask the pain, the pain is still there I'm just too numb to feel it. I'm so angry, all the time. I can feel it pulsing through my veins and all I want to do is punch a wall or cut my arm. I can't even cry. Why can't I cry? My eyes aren't even moist as I type this. I feel so numb to any emotion that isn't anger.
I don't even have a good line to go out on.
Comments
Jenny - It is ok to have these feelings of anger but the key is to find out why - Ok, your job stinks, you were disappointed with a relationship, you probably are covering up the hurt with anger - but these feelings are truly normal. Now comes the "I can't stand it anymore" Ah, here lies the glitch - We (including me at the same age) want these feelings to disappear because it is too painful to accept them. But accept we must....as difficult as it is, we must make changes that give us a different road to follow. The joy will come back in time. Phone a close friend, continue to talk with anyone in your support group, believe me, you are not alone or crazy. Write down your fears...read your list...now let them go. Holding onto to fears gives them power. Your fears are not larger than you. If you need to go home and start over, do it! Don't waste another day trying to figure this out. You will continue to grow and change - Welcome it! Do not fight it. For awhile it might feel as if you are walking in a dream - doing stuff that doesn't seem real - That is ok, keep moving and doing. Make this a new adventure - Give yourself permission to believe your life will change and get better. You can email me anytime if you need to talk - forgive yourself and others and than go forward. You are worth it. Marie
marie1210