JennyMay's Journal

Ok so I haven't been on here for ages. I guess it's good to know it's here when I need it. I'm having a shit afternoon. The day started out ok, I made a few errors at my first job for the day, and dropped things and slipped and was getting quite frustrated... and this is all before 6am. But all that considered I did alright for the rest of the day. It was a pretty decent day actually.

But I think I've stumbled on a discovery about one of my friends. I tried smsing her a week or so ago, got a sms back a couple days later asking who I was, yada yada, "I'm sorry you have the wrong number". OK so she's changed her number and forgot to tell me, I can deal. But now her closest friend tells me that she hasn't changed her number, as far as she knows. Seeing as she's the little sis my friend never had I'm going to assume she would have known if her number had been changed. I've sent numerous messages to her Facebook inbox (she's not on my friends list, I deleted everyone and am having a break from the site) without response. And now I fear I'm going to have to resort to the petty shit and call her phone from a phone box, and find out if I was lied to. I'm a bloody adult, this is high school shit. If she has a problem with me she should tell me, instead of simply ceasing all contact with me without my knowledge. It stings even more that I was even her bridesmaid last February. Like, what changes in 2 months??

Anyway I could be overreacting, this could all be a misunderstanding. But I guess it's just made me think about all the friends I've lost since I met my bf/fiance. Life stinks. I can't even claim depression because I'm not weepy, I'm not bawling my eyes out every night. You know what I am doing? Thinking about death a whole lot. Every day, I think life is too hard and I just want to end it (right this minute being no exception). It's so different to the sort of "depression" I've had before. For 5 years I was weepy and crying every night. This time I'm not sure it even classifies as depression. I'm just sick of it all. I'm not even sad about that fact. I just want it over with.