Journal

4/6/8

Hello, all... I know it's been ages since I had anythig to say, and since I dont have a computer at home yet, I started writing in notebooks again. but I have good news for a change so I thought I would take the time to fill DS in on my life.

My new job is going great!  I started working for a new family with 3 sweet little girls.  Better hours, and much better pay, always something to smile about.  Paige still accompanies me to work but with luck by the end of summer I will have enough money put away that I can start her in pre school/ day care.  Because though I take care of children for a living, its nice to catch a break fom my own once in a while.  and she needs to be away from me too cause shes starting to get strange when it comes to be being away from her, and I dont want to worry bout seperation anxiety issues that I know many toddlers have a phase of. 

I'm also in the process of getting a new place.  I want to be in a bigger place witjh more storage options and the compfort of home.  therefor I'm looking into renting a house.  I found two 3brs that I really like and I'm just waiting on one of them to give me the go to move in.  I cant wait to be nestled into a new place, and have everything put away and  clean. 

And of course it's almost time for summer and carnivals and my August vacation, so I have many fun things to look forward to to keep me hangin in there.  So for once my journal ends with all positive things.

2/28/8

Hey I'm still alive, but barely holding on.  The past few months have v\been so hard on me.  between losing the job, the room mate, and the computer I feel like I got nothing except the insanity of only being around my 2 year old All the time!!  But thats cool cause at least I got someone, right?

SO actually I been hitting the gym religously till I land a new job.  It feels good to be getting my body in shape, and we all know excercise helps boost the endorphins which leads to a little less stress.  Im trying real hard to hang in there.  I thought bout suicide for a few weeks straight and now I'm starting to feel better in that department. But I warned my mom I should go to the hospital if I continue to feel this way by the time she goes on spring break.

But dont worry I will keep hangin on even if it seems like the impossible. Hope all is well for all my DS homies. I love you all!!

1/6/08

My body wants to be with you

My brain wants to be connected to you

And my heart wants to belong to you...

These are the words I long to tell someone important in my life however this particular person doesnt feel the same way and I am scared if I tell them it might be a mistsake.  why is it I often find myself feeling emotions that others do not?  Not just with love but with everything.  I always feel as though I'm not in touch with anyone I am communicating with.  I guess we all go through this, at least I hope it's not just me.  But just once I want to be loved back the same way I put my love out there.  I want it to be true, and real.