Journal

        Okay they say writing about your feelings allows a little venting helps you put things in order. My journey of mishaps began with Rotary cuff surgery which left my rt arm and back and rt leg from lifting a pt in 1997 did rehab all the neccessary requirements,took a year of phyiscal therapy (very painful) finally a mri of the right shoulder showed 3 tears and the bursa rub down to nothing.So yea I was in pain and phyiscal therapy made it worse but no one would listen. Could'nt walk ,sit or use my rt arm,then they said frozen arm syndrome etc. That ended my nursing career.Two year later 386lb, diabetic, high blood pressure,gerds, sleep apnea,copd ,hiatus hernia, obesity.Need I say more life was a bitch. I knew I had to do something or die. My daddy, gave me the money that save my live along with wonderful caring drs and staff.I had roux gastric bypass 2005. My life was back,still had to work hard,was sick vomitting gastric reflex ,but I lost 120lbs from a size 52 to 22 yes a lot of fat remains but Iam or was looking forward to having it all removed but  as faith has it april 2008 due to hematuria which by the way in my silly widsom contributed to hormal problems,yea right.Anyway brought my own hematuria in a coke bottle for all those doubting toms,so I wouldnt hear crapola.Started ivs did ua took blood normal crapola.My urine came back neg, no blood, NOW I FEEL STUPID AGAIN, They want to do a cat scan in a half hour. Which thank god I had to pee, guess what, call that nurse in to the bathroom ,there in the toilet bowl was blood and blood clots the size of quarters. HURRAY I am not crazy.The nurse told the Dr who said quote"thats impossible her urine showed no blood it was clean. Now mind you I am in pain,they did a cat scan with contrast and without I was in the er for 3hours, well the dr came in and said it is not stones, you have a large mass on your rt kidney,and consult your own dr,did give me pain med and nausea meds.      We all know renal cell kidney cancer, Removed rt kidney,You have to wonder,why everything happens on my right side. Of course it my dominant side, now a new challenge begins,I am on clincal trial they feel that the little nasties might still be there but all the catscans mugga bone scans say I am okay but they want to make sure. I also lost a baby my first,to spinabifida  die one day old,had many defects to survive. So Iam up beat, thankful for my other two children,my grand children, my life. I put alot of things on the back burners, cry when I need to, feel sorry for myself, then say there are more people worse off then  me. My family feel I have another kidney and plenty of people live with just one no big deal.Dont dwell on now look for tomorrow,if it is there then you accomplish a goal. You wake up and can walk to the kitchen and get a cup of coffee,you did something for your self.Simple little tasks that mean  your still fighting to hold on.          me