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AmyHumm 
well i have been trying the OA how program for three weeks now and so far i have only gotten through single days of absinance. and besides from tonight only like 2 days away from sugar. i know progress not perfection but i have already gone throught two sponsers. i just made some weird concotion of sugar and choclet powder becasue there is no sweets in the house and thank god i have such strong anxiety about going to stores. The one case my anxiety has helped me other wise i would be going through drive thrus and buying junk at all times of the night. i am scarred to tell my new sponser about this slip cause i am sick of feeling rejected when a sponser drops me. The HOW program ad n the sponsers are a hell of alot stricketer then AA and my AA sponser who has been with me for 3 years now. I dont know i miss her and shes been on a trip and i feel alone. I resorted to calling this crazy cristian hotline because i was feeling like shit and its too late to call anyone. I just wish this obsession was gone. I am doing basically everything the HOW program tells me to do. fallowing my meal plan (well that actualy isnt quiet true...) but i am calling my sponser everyday, being honest (well i guess i "forgot to mention a slip i had earlier today...) but for real i am calling three people a day, although i didnt call someone tonight while i was feeling an urge... but hello its three in the morning. I am kinda realizing now that i look at it im not really giving OA a fair chance since im not really doing everything they told me... i guess i just want to be normal and do the easier softer way. i just wanna be rail thin and completly drop dead gorgous... but when ever i look in a mirror i am disgusted... wow this is a rant... but its been a while since i have writin and there is soo much more, but again its three thirty in the morning... i have a cold and i just started aunt flows visit! (yippy) Some things i am going to do tomarrow and tonight before bed 1 red step one in tweleve and twelev the book of john in the bible, call me sponser and confess... and call atleast three other people for hook ups, also call if i am feeling urgs and just for today fallow my meal plan, pray, and give my life over to my higher power
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Someone said to me recently if you can't see how you can get through today, just trust in God for the next 5 minutes. It helps me when I am feeling desperate.
Cathster