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AmyHumm 
well i have been trying the OA how program for three weeks now and so far i have only gotten through single days of absinance. and besides from tonight only like 2 days away from sugar. i know progress not perfection but i have already gone throught two sponsers. i just made some weird concotion of sugar and choclet powder becasue there is no sweets in the house and thank god i have such strong anxiety about going to stores. The one case my anxiety has helped me other wise i would be going through drive thrus and buying junk at all times of the night. i am scarred to tell my new sponser about this slip cause i am sick of feeling rejected when a sponser drops me. The HOW program ad n the sponsers are a hell of alot stricketer then AA and my AA sponser who has been with me for 3 years now. I dont know i miss her and shes been on a trip and i feel alone. I resorted to calling this crazy cristian hotline because i was feeling like shit and its too late to call anyone. I just wish this obsession was gone. I am doing basically everything the HOW program tells me to do. fallowing my meal plan (well that actualy isnt quiet true...) but i am calling my sponser everyday, being honest (well i guess i "forgot to mention a slip i had earlier today...) but for real i am calling three people a day, although i didnt call someone tonight while i was feeling an urge... but hello its three in the morning. I am kinda realizing now that i look at it im not really giving OA a fair chance since im not really doing everything they told me... i guess i just want to be normal and do the easier softer way. i just wanna be rail thin and completly drop dead gorgous... but when ever i look in a mirror i am disgusted... wow this is a rant... but its been a while since i have writin and there is soo much more, but again its three thirty in the morning... i have a cold and i just started aunt flows visit! (yippy) Some things i am going to do tomarrow and tonight before bed 1 red step one in tweleve and twelev the book of john in the bible, call me sponser and confess... and call atleast three other people for hook ups, also call if i am feeling urgs and just for today fallow my meal plan, pray, and give my life over to my higher power
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wow, that was such an intersting experiance, i feel a bit overwhellem with all the things that they do and the stuff i will be doing but i sure feel ready to go. i did eat after words adn feel out of control though.. but it didnt turn into a binge.
i plan on calling a lady i met there tomarrow and hopefully we can get started!
i have been to many mnay AA meetings before so alot of the readings and prayers were simuliar, so that was a bit comferting and less overwhelming in that sence.
i am just worried about the weighting and measuring and the call people everyday. i am worried about how others will percieve me when im with friends and were having a meal, what if i cant eat it casue its not in my plan, or not eatting any sweets again and a whole bunch of other concerns. but i guess i have to reminde myself that i have A) only just began and dont even know a quarter of what i will learn yet and B) Just for today! those things arnt right now so w/e!
i almost feel a sence of clarity after the meeting that im not so much twirling around in my head. i just hope i wont let my insicurites and fear get in the wayof me doing what i need to do. but i will just pray about it
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Amy, well done for going to your OA meeting. I was thinking about your problem with ordering a meal when you're with your friends. Could you just invite your friends home for a meal and then you can cook something that would fit with your food plan? I have done that before and then had fresh fruit salad for dessert. My friends have loved it and not known they were eating "diet food". :) When I am going to someone else's home to eat I usually ask if I can bring the dessert as this is a great chance to do a big fruit plate and then I know that I can eat some of the dessert and wont have non-abstinent desserts tempting me on the table.
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Amy, well done for going to your OA meeting. I was thinking about your problem with ordering a meal when you're with your friends. Could you just invite your friends home for a meal and then you can cook something that would fit with your food plan? I have done that before and then had fresh fruit salad for dessert. My friends have loved it and not known they were eating "diet food". :) When I am going to someone else's home to eat I usually ask if I can bring the dessert as this is a great chance to do a big fruit plate and then I know that I can eat some of the dessert and wont have non-abstinent desserts tempting me on the table.
well i am filled to the brim!
i binged twice today... and i must say i feel like crap.
i tried to throw up mulitple times but i just cant do it! i dont want to throw up in a way, but the guilt and worry just kills me.
it started after supper when i saw a box of pancakes, and it was like then i knew i had to adn was going to have those pancakes.
so i binged on wheat thins untill my boyfriend left for a 12 step meeting and then i made the pancakes, i absolutly hated myself and just thinkin about how many hours i would be at the gym tonight... i feel exhausted and like a giant ball.
i am so worried to gain weight, and about a whole bunch other things,
oh god grant me the serenty to accept the things i cannot change the courage to change the things i can and the wisdom to know the difernce
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Oh Amy, I's so sorry you feel the way you do but I had a similar day a few days ago and I found that by just choosing to start afresh with the next meal and consider my abstinance started as soon as I found a rational moment the other side of my feeding frenzy that I could get back on with my program and it at least stopped me being in the food for the rest of the day. I know that your Higher Power can help you stop and get back into program.
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Someone said to me recently if you can't see how you can get through today, just trust in God for the next 5 minutes. It helps me when I am feeling desperate.
Cathster