JENW123's Journal

well mom had 3 heart attacks in 1 month, she is recovering ok, but now is a bitter person, alone,afraid and flat out mean... think shes trying to push us away... want to help her but shes needs to be in control...i pray she does go to a dr. apt on fri(today) so they can help her...

my dad is also not doing good at all, with his neuropothy and gout his feet are swullon and painful and infected.... also many trips to hospital.. dr.s test constantly but never give him answers just more pills....also his lungs sound bad and dr. said stop smoking or die, he wont stop,,,,

meanwhile my son and i had a fight over rules of the house he told me to f off . i told him to get out out of anger and he did. he wont come home. hes living with his dad and has no rules and freedom. i brought him up as a christian and now hes smoking,drinking,parties and who knows what sure hes almost 20 but i can offer him so much more he can live with me go to college ,have healt insurance ect...... i hate to see his stubborness ruin his life.... im soooo heartbroken.

meanwhile a virus has run through my house hitting us all hard including my 6 ferrets. alot of whiny coughing kids.. alot of missed days of school. i m sick to but i cant rest gotta take care of everyone while my husband sleeps all day cuz he works at night..... never felt soooo alone in the world.  so worried, so tired, weak. but i must go on GOD has a plan for me and i need to figure it out. days i sit in bed and cry makes me feel worse crying causes me to have body aches... so im compulsive shoping online for christmas cuz it makes me feel good to know my kids will have a christmas and one morning of happiness thrills me......sometimes i wish i had a best friend to talk to, invite over,, someone who likes me and enjoys being around me... i never had one tried to make friends but i guess my life is to stressfull for anyone to cope with. lol so as it stands i walk this life alone,,,,