indigomoon's Journal

This past weekend has been a whirlwind of emotions.  Not scary, initmidating, but thought provoking. It started with witnessing the birth of my 3rd granddaughter. I went to bed overjoyed, full of excitement, full of hopes and dreams for her future, near and far.

The labor was very uneventful, mom's pain was pretty tolerable, and an absolute miracle at best.  Anxiety did not visit me, this week at all.  Sitting and waiting gave me a whole new perspective on life. What it means to me, how I interact with life, how it interacts with me. I learned that Friday, that life is short enough, my inner pains are now bearable, my state of mind at ease and manageable.

I started thinking.  What could I do to make life happier for me, you know, like a baby comes into the world with a clean slate, ready to conquer, ready to challenge, ready to love and be loved.  So I wondered...What if I did the same thing, on this day, right now!  I want to start a clean slate with the direction of my life.  Family, career, friends, thought processes, everything.  Take away all the negativity, hide all the ghosts and gremblins, replace those things with positivity, positive environments, positive people and a positive look at those negative things that trigger me into darkness.

I really feel optimistic about this quest.  I'm taking my time.  I miss being the old me, the confident, corporate, sexy and stable person hidden behind this cloak of negativity. As I mentioned before, I'm taking this task one day at a time.  Rushing into it would be counterproductive and throw me back into the depths of where I've closed the door.

This is my attempt at what I consider perfection.  Leave drama and anxiety behind the door.  Zero negativity, happy thoughts, the love of life and plans for a brighter future.  Will you take this journey with me?