Journal

I set 3 goals for now on here. I am not sure if they are what I am supposed to use the goal setting for, but it works for me. If it is something that is not supposed to be I am sure the staff at DS will either delete them or me in total. I don't see that they are so bad really, at least if you were to know me on a personal level. The first was to lose weight, get back to 100 pounds. If I do not reach that weight I will not be that upset. That was how much I weighed at 17, and that was 6 kids and almost 20 years ago. Then I added to quit being so down. I do not know if that is humanly possible right now, but at least it shows I am going to put some effort into it. Then I added to be more feminine. I own tons of makeup, and some skirts that I never wear, neither make me feel very comfortable. I am such a tom boy in a womans body. Give me my jeans and a t-shirt, throw my hair in a pony tail and I am good to go anywhere that I might need to on a daily basis. So, I am going to try to be more girly, but don't know how that will go over too. It might make my husband be nicer to me, but then again it might not. It might do the complete opposite and cause more fighting between us. Whatever the outcome I will have at least tried. And is that not what is most important in life? To try.

It was asked of me to let people know as much about me as I feel comfortable revealing. Well, I am 36, and married. Honestly that is on the blink right now though. I have 6 children, but only 5 that are living. Of my children there is 1 boy (the oldest), the rest girls. The ages range from 18 to 10. I have 1 daughter who is afflicted with Autism, and 1 who is Aspergers syndrome. I work nights, and my husband days. I write poetry, draw, and do anything that is a form of arts and crafts. I like to play with my children with my makeup (usually the only time I have it on). I love to be able to laugh, and make others laugh. Most times I am not very happy anymore, so I force myself to put on a mask of happiness. Which usually puts me further in the dumps. Anyway, I think that is enough for now. If you come here to read this, and have questions please feel free to ask.If i am okay with answering I will do so.