difficult stage
November 20, 2009 6:38pm
im havin a bit of an odd month. ive been up and down like mad
i think the thoughts after my depression are harder to deal with.now im more …
Goal Completed on Jun 23, 09
Mush15
6:58pm, November 5, 2009
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About Me
Mush15
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About Me
this is me. i am a goofball :) i say stuff that doesnt make sense, i think out loud. i dance with my dog. i draw moustaches on my upper lip with eyeliner and pretend to be french. i eat marshamllows for breakfast. however silly i sound, im an incredibly deep and complex person, i over-think things and over anylise them. i guess you'll never meet anyone else like me, im different inside and out. i love that :)
this is me. i am a goofball :) i say stuff that doesnt make sense, i think out loud. i dance with my dog. i draw moustaches on my upper lip with eyeliner and pretend to be french. i eat marshamllows for breakfast. however silly i sound, im an incredibly deep and complex person, i over-think things and over anylise them. i guess you'll never meet anyone else like me, im different inside and out. i love that :)
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Interests
ART ! painting, doodling, journaling, photography, listening, helping, inspiring, writing, poetry, music and eating.
ART ! painting, doodling, journaling, photography, listening, helping, inspiring, writing, poetry, music
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Recent Activity
Recently:
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4 hugs received, 3 journal comments, 2 journal posts, 1 hug given
Friday
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Mush15 wrote a journal entry: difficult stage 6:38pm
im havin a bit of an odd month. ive been up and down like mad i think the thoughts after my depression…
Wednesday
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Mush15 turned 16 12:00am
Monday
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Mush15 gave iexist a chicken soup 3:44pm
thinking of youx…
November 15
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Mush15 commented on their journal entry things to worry about 5:31pm
aw thankyou guys. beck you're a fab friend i love you too. im sorry i didnt reply to your journal, i…
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Mush15 wrote a journal entry: things to worry about 4:14pm
education. i have nonehealth is detiroratingim too fatim unfitim deficiant in vits and minsemotional…
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Journal
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things to worry about
November 15, 2009 4:14pm
education. i have none
health is detirorating
im too fat
im unfit
im deficiant in vits and mins
emotional wellbeing
helping my mum out
tidying
getting used …
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HATE
November 6, 2009 12:47pm
i feel like i am a nobody. i have such hate towards myself, ive never felt passion as strong as my disgust for me. ever since i was little, ive not …
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tonight =)
November 5, 2009 6:56pm
had a brill time with becky
shes such a lovely girl,
easy to talk to and funny :)
best night in a long time
x
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fucked it up
November 5, 2009 6:55pm
found a blade
a beautiful blade
i took her out of her shell
i couldnt resist
just to feel her skin
slice into mine
i knew we were at one …
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Hugbook
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Hug
happy birthday mush, sorry i missed it, just missed you online as well, dam miss talkint to you, i have some new revalations about me, but enough about me, how are you? i hope well, you deserve it, i love you as a dad, and a brother, and a son,, wierd? oh well, im sure you get it huh. love yuou joe.
Present
happy birthday i couldnt see a cake so this may do haha
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Miss You
hi mush, i havent abandoned you, i just had to move, and cant get online much, pleae take care as you are a wondeerfull person, ill talk toy ou when i can, love yuou much, joey.
Hug
thank you for understanding
Hug
How ya been holdin up, buddy? Have you been working a the self-esteem? Going well?
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Photos
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Goals
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Support Groups
Close Self-Injury
ive been self harming for a number of years, it had gotton to a very severe point, but i decided once and for all to stop. i had gone 21 weeks cut free. but then i snapped and fucked it all, im finding it difficult to resist the lure. the blood is so healing, the red the numbness, its beautiful. trying to fight this,anyone willing to fight with me :) you think thats impossible ? i will try my best !
Treatments
- Art Working / Worked
- everything is art to me
- Outpatient Treatment Program Working / Worked
- very very very helpful ! helped teach me new coping mechanisms. trust me guys if you think you're incurable. you're not.
- Psychotherapy Somewhat Helpful
Close Depression
Type: Clinical (Major) Depressionim suffering a bit of a relapse lately, it scares me beyond the point of fear. im terrified that i'll sink into that dark place i once sat. i was a state, lank hair, tired,weak, no food, i was a robot. i didnt do anything. i didnt shower i didnt talk i didnt eat i didnt sleep. i just thought and thought and kept thinking.my mind is a prison.lost hope,lost trust and motivation,and hell its been a tought fight trying to regain it.im promising myself i wont let it get that bad again,id rather die.
Treatments
- Art Working / Worked
- everything is art for me
- Celexa Working / Worked
- made me worse (Y)
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Working / Worked
- i was going through CBT before my psychiatrist refered me to a psychiactric unit becuase i need " extra support" so we've stopped work on that now
- Effexor Not Working
- side effects were reaaaaly bad :P
- Lexapro Working / Worked
- also bad side affects
- Positive Thinking Considering
- its a fight, takes effort.
- Prozac Somewhat Helpful
- think they'll put my dosage back up to 30-40mg
- Psychotherapy Somewhat Helpful
- Support from Friends & Family Working / Worked
- my mum is my absloute rock at the minute, she supports me through everything i couldnt ask for more from her, shes always there for a chat and i love her to absolute pieces i cant even describe. x love you mum x
- Writing Working / Worked
- keeping track of my thoughts has been very useful as it has like helped me learn about certain low points in the day and how i can prepare for that and then work on it when i get there. very helpful.
Open Insomnia
it doesn't matter how tired i am, i am INCAPABLE of sleeping ! ive tried everything. at the unit now we're doing a sleep log for a week i'll let you guys know how that got on :)
Treatments
- Counting Sheep Not Working
- hahahaha i got bored of sheepies after a little while !
- Lavender Not Working
- ewwy smell :D
- Lunesta Working / Worked
- yeah that tends to work though i do need to take a double dose. EWWWWY taste in my mouth for about 24 hours after taking the tab, i usually only have the " zonkyplonk" as i call it, when im reallly desperate !
- Meditation Working / Worked
- Reading Working / Worked
- i get too stimulated by the book and end up more awake than i was before !
Open Eating Disorders
Type: Bulimiaits beginning to become very powerful.
Treatments
- Dietitian Consult Working / Worked
Open Multiple Personalities
Mush15 hasn’t entered any details for this support group.Open Incest Survivors
its hard to tell anyone.
Open Body Modification
i want to be able to express who i am, without being judged.iWANTa tattooo really bad :)
Open Paranoia
i am such a paranoid person.i feel like people are staring, talking bad about me,even plotting to kill me. i feel as though ill be followed or violated. im living on edge and its killing me.
Open Food Addiction
i guess ive always eaten too much its a family trait.i hate it though. it ties in with my bulimia and you'd be surprised how much i can put away. i often feel an overwhelming hatred for my body and i call myself fat disgusting and greedy everyday. i need support on how to turn this around.
Open Family Issues
pretty complicated family situation.my brother abused me a long time ago he still lives with me but it's difficult.only my mum and me and brother know about it.my sister is extremely tempromental and its extremely difficult to be around her.situation is difficult with my father, we were extremely close then one day he abandonned me. i feel ive always been at the routeof the family's problem and the responsibility crushes me often.
Treatments
- Family Therapy Working / Worked
Open Agoraphobia & Social Anxiety
afraid of outside. blinds closed, hardly go out unless necessary, varies with severity sometimes i wont go out my front door, others ill go so far and need to come home and other days im okay to go shopping for a short while. either way this rules my life.
