BabsyK's Journal

Feeling depressed and I don't feel like going to bed. I hate the weekends. Stacy (my oldest daughter) came home Friday night but she's leaving in the morning. I love when one or both my girls come home for a weekend. I also hate it because I know they're going to leave on Sunday and I dread the rest of that day. I use to go shopping after they left to get my mind off it but now I can't afford to do that. It's winter and I hate to go out for a walk in the cold. I have enough to do around here, but I usually lose my motovation by afternoon and the depression moves in making the day drag on. I can't wait to Monday to go back to work.

I'm wondering if I made a mistake going out and getting another dog after mom died. He's just seems like alot to handle right now but if I gave him up I would only feel worse.

Financially I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm trying to cut corners but there just isn't enough money to go around. I need a second job. Even with another job I still wouldn't have any extra money. I could sell this big old drafty house but it needs alot of work and no money to do. I fear getting to the point of not being able to pay everything and the bank taking it. I don't want that to happen I have been paying on it for 16 years. I wish I knew what to do. 

I'm trying to remember that everything has always worked out for the best in the past and it will this time to, but its hard and I'm scared and depressed. I've been taking care of everyone and everything for so long I just wish some one would take care of me. Being divorced for 16 years I don't know that I could commit to anyone long term. I've never had very good luck withfinding a compassionate person and that is what I would have to have. After being with my ex for 13 years and putting up with the emotional BS, I certainly don't want to go through that again. I just don't know.