finallyfree30's Journal

Dear Friends,

Here's the situation.  My car is facing repo and I called an old friend for help.  This is someone who I have strong feelings for.  He was the one I broke my vow of celebacy for when I tried this the first time starting November of 2007.  It lasted until April of 2008 when I met him.  He's so attrcitve to me and I really feel something for him, but I know he feels little or nothing for me becuase he only comes around when he wants a shot of ass so it seems.  I can't keep giving people like him the benefit of the doubt, I always end up hurt.  I have few peole to ask for the money I need to make sure my car does not get towed (going back to work next week, hooray) so out of dispair I asked him and he agreed.  Problem is when ever he sees me he wants to fuck.  I have taken this vow now.  I guess I should just be straight up and tell him that I am celebate now until I am ready and have founf someone who I think is worth the emotional risk (among other things) involved with having a sexual relationship with someone.  I told him I will POST DATE a check and he can have his money back in Feb after I get my first check from the new job, that way he does not feel like I am using him.  H started talking about sex and how good it feels with me and I started feeling the normal feelings that you get when you're infatuated with someone and want to do the verticle tanlge.  Solution: do not go behind closed doors, be business oriented.   Hand him the post-dated check in exchnage for the loan and do not let him kiss or touch me the way he does.  Folks, I like him so much that the sound of him voice even turns me on.  TODAY IS A HARD DAY, but I realize I have people counting on me to be strong and inspirational here on this site.  My success has to be authentic and I can not be a hipocrit.  I am really cheering for the younger people here bcus I beleive its even harder when you are in your youth, more raging horomones and inexperience.  Pray for me folks, this is a tempation.  I think I will even fast today.  OH GOD HELP ME TODAY, PLEASE.