-
About Me
fieldofdaisies
-
About Me
I am 46 years old, though often I still feel like a small child. I have bi-polar disorer, general anxiety disorder, and ocd. Though I suffered with these since I was a child, I was diagnosed for the first time when I was 22 years old. But....after taking meds for a while, and getting stable ...I didn't beleive them. And so it would be being ok, getting bad, seeing psychiatrist, not seeing psychiatrist, getting seeing counselors who would try to convince me I needed meds, not seeing counselors, taking meds for a week, then not taking meds for a year... And suffering more then you would ever know. If I had one wish I would wish for the whole world to be happy and not suffer, for the false ego to die and the truth to live, and for love to rule. If I had a second wish, I would wish to go back to when I was first diagnosed with mental illness and to have taken my medicine every day never missing a dose.This would have radically changed life for myself and my family who have been effected by my illness the most.With this illness, when I finally get stable on my meds, I still have the unquenchable thirst to go back into the past and change things, but I can't and this causes so much anguish and sadness. But I do have today, and if I can heal those closest to me that have been hurt by my untreated illness and reach out to others who have this illness and help them not make the same mistakes that I have then I can get up every morning, despite the havoc I have made out of my life and the lives of those I love (or should I say the my untreated illnesss has made) and keep going on. That that does not kill me, makes me stronger- (Friedrich Nietzche) (Thanks Dave) And somehow, all the things I have been through, both good times and bad times (but mostly bad times) have help made me the person I am today, and have filled my heart with more compassion and empathy for others. For this I am truly thankful, even though it has been a long bumpy often dark, and scary ride.
I am 46 years old, though often I still feel like a small child. I have bi-polar disorer, general anxiety disorder, and ocd. Though I suffered with these since I was a child, I was diagnosed for the first time when I was 22 years old. But....after taking meds for a while, and getting stable ...I didn't beleive them. And so it would be being ok, getting bad, seeing psychiatrist, not seeing psychiatrist, getting seeing counselors who would try to convince me I needed meds, not seeing counselors, taking
-
Interests
alleviating pain in the lives of all I can touch, in anyway I can, taking my meds and staying sane, smiling, friendships, all kinds of music, books, being outside, playing and spending time with my little nephews, laughing as much as possible, and making jokes and laughing at my own jokes even when no one thinks their funny, walking in the snow, cloudy days, sunny days, the wind, bodysurfing in the salty warm waves, good food, m&m's, smoothies, watching movies, cooking and drinking wine(need to keep this part tame) writing poetry, playing board games, going sledding, drinking coffee, going to the movies, going to the city and hanging out, sometimes I like to clean my house when I'm really in the mood, most if the I do it when I'm not in the mood, meeting nice people, buying presents for people, writing, the smell of the ocean, the smell of home-made food cooking, the smell of fresh air, philosophical talks, bazooka and double bubble gum, being alone.
alleviating pain in the lives of all I can touch, in anyway I can, taking my meds and staying sane, smiling,
-
-
Journal
This entry is private
This entry is private
This entry is private
This entry is private
This entry is private
-
Hugbook
Hug
thks for your lovely hug. I've been sick. For 2 days so it was a nice pick-me-up!
Thanks
Thank you for your incredibly sweet response on my kids post.
Moment of Peace
Just wishing you a restful and peaceful weekend . . . and many hugs!
Miss You
Hi there, Miss you and hope you're doing good. Hugs to you. I'll get back to posting occasionally. Had a busy summer and heading back to college in January. Talk to you soon :D
Shout Out
Yo girl. What's up? Your last journal entry almost made ME suicidal. Although I admit to a romantic lust thing going on with death, so that's not hard. I've craved it so much at certain times... the ghost of the desire to "end it" lingers. I wasn't posting because I was traveling.and taking so many pain meds for the fibromyalgia/migraines it depressed me to record the numbers. But now I'm home and resting and back to zero narcotics. But guess what happened? I'm bipolar one, rapid cycling okar - so I'm in a relationship that might actually last becasue I may actually be medicated enough not to screw it up. Anyway, I had a mind blowing orgasm and in one minute my mood plunged to paranoid dispair. One minute, honey. He knows I'm bipolar and everything but. SHEESH. All I could say, was "I'm all of a sudden feeling grumpy" I ran to the bathroom, took a valium and stayed in the shower until I approached sanity again. OTher people just have to worry about not farting after sex! Tell me what's up with you. Love, ExDiva
-
Photos
fieldofdaisies hasn’t uploaded any photos yet
-
Advertisement -
Support Groups
Close Anxiety
Diagnosed with general anxiety disorder 7 years ago, also have bi-polar, and ocd, never was faithful with meds to my dismay. Am now taking lithium for bipolar and celexa for depression, and anxiety. Only wish I had been compliant years ago. Also took klonopin for a short period may years ago, was prescried ativan, but never took it faithfully, (too manic) , (needed it real bad).
Close Bipolar Disorder
Now that I realize and are more clear minded, I have been bi-polar since I was a small child. Was clinically depressed as a teenager, and all through my 20s on and off, deeply sad... up until now. Also manic, manifested earlier in rage and aggitation. , sometimes also became delusional and paranoid often (psychiatrist said i would get psychotic) Always non-compliant meds for some reason or another. Boy do I regret this. Anyway, on meds now, faithfully and finally.
Treatments
Open Hypochondria
Diagnosed with bi-polar, generalized anxiety, ocd....and I realize I am a hypochondriac. I think and probably alot of people do that hypochondria is a manifestation of anxiety, and my anxiety has lead me to some harmful solutions to some of my self-diagnosis. Anyway... All these mental disorders are so real and hellish, and most people who do not have them, can't understand them. I have felt like a misfit all my life because of my mental illnesses. Anyway, finding this website has beena gift
Open Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
have had very bad anxiety and ocd since I was a child, though I did not know what it was then. Also have bi-polar . The last few years as far as ocd goes, it starts with a worry, then I get anxious, more anxious and so anxious I go into a delusional spin.... paranoid, delusional etc...also suffer from bad panic attacks but only when I am really scared and exhausted...i'm so tired...
Treatments
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Working / Worked
- tried doing this but not on meds, and my therapist didn't really know how to help me. (all the therapists I have had.) I think the first thing is to get on the right meds.....only wish I had years ago then get a good therpist who know what they're doing. first meds then CBT..
