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jaimer57 
9:25pm, March 6, 2010
my soon to be husband Will still thinks that Liam's death is his fault because he was on the couch less and 2 feet awayfro Liam! He thinks he should have heard a noise that never happened, a movement that was never made, a a gasp that was not produced. Liam was on his back with his favorite pacifier in his mouth. if he was unhappy or uncomfortable Liam could shoot that pacifier across the room and scream till the neighbors came running! and as a speech therapist i was thrilled! anyway anyone have any suggestions that could help me with Wll. We plan on going to a SIDS support group but its not untill Jan 12 or 15 (can,t remember).
Thanks
Comments
Hey hun, my husband thought it was his fault too and I am sure still does, he was with Mason and was caring for him and put him down for the night. I am not sure as to any advice other than keep telling him that it is not his fault and as Liam's father you know he took good care of him and there was nothing he could have done. When SIDS happens, it happens and there is nothing we can do. It's even happened in parent's arms and still there was nothing that could be done. Just be there for him and listen to him and reassure him. Have you got a preliminary autopsy report? That might help hearing from the medical examiner. I don't know, it's a tough thing because I still feel guilt too, but know that as their parents we would have done anything to save our children and unfortunately we couldn't. HUGS hun...you and Will are not alone in this!
MRNmom
Hey hun, my husband thought it was his fault too and I am sure still does, he was with Mason and was caring for him and put him down for the night. I am not sure as to any advice other than keep telling him that it is not his fault and as Liam's father you know he took good care of him and there was nothing he could have done. When SIDS happens, it happens and there is nothing we can do. It's even happened in parent's arms and still there was nothing that could be done. Just be there for him and listen to him and reassure him. Have you got a preliminary autopsy report? That might help hearing from the medical examiner. I don't know, it's a tough thing because I still feel guilt too, but know that as their parents we would have done anything to save our children and unfortunately we couldn't. HUGS hun...you and Will are not alone in this!
MRNmom
From my research, (I am a Physical Therapist so very much into research and medical reasons for things), once SIDS starts to happen...there is nothing anyone can do to stop it....it's no ones fault....they go peacefully and silently, and that is hard to except. Having something to blame might make it more exceptable. Keep re-assureing Will there is no blame. My husband and I have started grief counselling which I think is going to help....Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you. Also, check firstcandle.com and cjsids.com, they both have good info. ~Brody's mom, Angie
BrodysMom
And I agree with MRN, find strength in eachother....and try to find comfort in the fact that you are not alone in this battle, we all are walking in similar shoes over the loss of our babies....
BrodysMom
I'm, unfortunately the doctor of a cardiologist, and a speech therapist myself, who has worked in several hospitals, and has done research like Brody's mom... and he still won't believe me! His uncle is a neonatalologist and he still feels guilty! When the autopsy was completed and determined Liam's death as SIDS, he spoke to the ME, yet he still thinks that there is something he should've done. Guess its just gonna take time :)
jaimer57
It will take time. My husband was home with Nicholas when he passed. Nick went down for his afternoon nap and just faded away from us. My husband was within 5 feet of Nicholas playing with our older son. My husband is a first responder for a living and is trained in CPR and such...Nicholas never made any noises, my husband checked him and knew something wasn't right...it's been nearly 14 months and he is finally at that point that he knows there was nothing he could have done, but the guilt will always be there...I wish there was something I could do to fix that for him...I guess that's another thing that will take time..
NickNicksmommykitkat
the ME said that there was absolutely nothing wrong with liam. I even made then do an extra check on his brain and heart...NOTHING to be found..
jaimer57