Tony51203's Journal

Well that's another wasted day in my life. I've hidden myself from the world all day today, even to the point of refusing to go food shopping with my wife. That's a big one for me since she doesn't know how to food shop and I can count on there not being enough to last 1 week let alone 2. Still, I have to give her credit, she went out and did it while I hid at home like the cowardly wimp I am at heart. That was a tough one, I really wanted to go but I just couldn't force myself up and about to do so. I feel like such a failure.

I tried, or at least I tried to try. I just couldn't do it. Instead I spent the entire day hiding from the world, the covers pulled up over my head, sleeping when I could, just laying and breathing when I had to.

I hate when I waste my life like that. It makes me hate myself for being such a wimp. Where is my vaunted will power at times like these? Gone that's where. No will power at all. No strength at all, just a wimpy little pussy that's all there is.

You make me sick. You goddamned wimp, little puss face, little frigging baby. Why couldn't you get up and face the world? What's wrong with you? You wasted load, you're a frigging waste of skin. I can't believe you wasted this entire day. Thank God for your wife or you'd starve you little schitte for brains asshole.

As you can see, I'm thoroughly disillusioned with myself right now. That's being polite, to tell the truth I hate myself. I'm a waste of God's good air. I belong dead, that's where I belong. Don't even have the balls to do that properly either.

Oh well, enough of this whining. Time to go find a wall to beat my head on or maybe a cigarette butt to burn my arm with. Don't have the balls to do myself in but I'm a professional at causing pain. Oooh, it hurts so good. Do it again, harder, harder.

Schitte, I'm losing my frigging mind here. Gotta get control. Control has slipped, I've gotta get it back. Control? Oh controoolll? Where for art thou, control? Christ, I've lost it. I am certifiably insane.