I'm going for another 100 days
August 24, 2009 4:08pm
Wish me luck!
Progress
30 %
days without SI (days)
130
KrystalC
2:11pm, June 10, 2009
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About Me
KrystalC
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About Me
I'm currently a student at American River College. I've been writing poetry since I was thirteen. I have a passion for tea. I need music almost every second of my life (if I can't hear any I find myself singing). I've been in a choir since I was 11. I find beauty in any aspect of nature. I enjoy fantasy and what it does to the mind: creates imagination and escape. As far as my health goes, I'm completely physically healthy, but I have a few psychological problems based on some events in my life, and lack thereof in some cases. But I've learned not to blame, and that I am who I am now and it is up to me to change things.
I'm currently a student at American River College. I've been writing poetry since I was thirteen. I have a passion for tea. I need music almost every second of my life (if I can't hear any I find myself singing). I've been in a choir since I was 11. I find beauty in any aspect of nature. I enjoy fantasy and what it does to the mind: creates imagination and escape. As far as my health goes, I'm completely physically healthy, but I have a few psychological problems based on some events in my life,
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Interests
Physiology, astronomy, psychology, Renaissance era, Elizabethan era, Victorian era, horses, the British Isles, tea, music, poetry, writing, tea, choral arts/singing...did I mention tea? ;) I also enjoy playing Lord of the Rings Online, Rock Band, and a good point-and-click adventure game. When I'm not gaming or on the internet during my free time, I'm usually watching Law & Order: SVU, House, or In Plain Sight on USA.
Physiology, astronomy, psychology, Renaissance era, Elizabethan era, Victorian era, horses, the British
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Recent Activity
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Journal
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Day 130, actually
August 24, 2009 4:04pm
This is actually my 130th day without cutting. I just haven't been on in a while. ;) It's a constant battle but I'm succeeding so …
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So close
July 20, 2009 12:50pm
I've only got five days left to go to reach my goal. =D
And I did phones AND cash register at Papa Murphy's. Woohoo! ^_^
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Almost there.
July 13, 2009 7:19pm
I'm almost there. Just twelve more days.
In other news, I now have a job at Papa Murphy's Pizza. It was very scary, overwhelming, and …
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The Inevitable Slip
July 8, 2009 4:19am
Why the hell do I always crash after feeling happy? Why do I always have this pain in my heart? I have no idea where it's coming from, what it …
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Hugbook
Moment of Peace
yea true
Hug
It was good. a little nosie but ok
Hug
If today was your last day
And tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
-Nickelback
Celebration
happy fourth of july
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Ray of Sunshine
No problem ^-^
what are you up to today ^^
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Photos
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Goals
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Support Groups
Close Self-Injury
I started cutting myself sometime in 2006 (about age 16). I don't remember why. But in October 2007, I finally told my school counselor and she told my dad and it all came out. I've been to two different therapists for this particular issue. I was hospitalized twice in three months, first time for suicidal ideation, second time for an actual attempt. I stopped cutting in May 2008 but relapsed later that fall. I've been battling it (sometimes not even battling) ever since.
Treatments
- Abilify Working / Worked
- I guess it worked. It was supposed to stabilize my moods. It gave me terrible nightmares though. Ill fight before anyone shoves that down my throat again.
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- I was with one therapist for a couple months. But I guess I didn't trust her enough to share everything with her. I had another that was working for a while, but her other clients seemed to occupying her time and appointment times couldn't be kept, I guess. I got tired of the hard effort I had to take just to get in.
- Rubber Bands Not Working
- I started using small rubber bands, but it didn't work so well. So I tried bigger and fatter rubber bands. It felt good for a while, but it's just not the same without the crimson rivers.
- Talking Somewhat Helpful
- I talk to people about what I'm feeling sometimes. And it works sometimes, but other times my mind is just really fixated on the anticipation of skin splitting.
- Zoloft Working / Worked
- It worked okay. No bad side affects. I just don't like taking meds. If I have to though Id be willing to take it again.
- Crying Working / Worked
- Its hard to just let go and have a good cry for the feelings that cause me to cut but Ive been getting better. It takes all my energy away the energy that I would normally use to cut. It helps my heart like cutting does but I dont want to have to cry all the time.
Close Depression
Type: Clinical (Major) DepressionI had serious depression back at the end of 2007. I was hospitalized twice. Once for suicidal ideation, once for an actual attempt. I've been fine since May, but I'm afraid that it might be coming back. Recently I haven't cared enough to want to really do much, so it's worrying me a little.
Treatments
- Celexa Not Working
- I took it for about a month, and it didn't do anything.
- Lexapro Somewhat Helpful
- It worked a little, but they switched me to Celexa thinking it would work better.
- Meditation Somewhat Helpful
- I try to meditate almost every night. It helps me to relax a bit, but not really relieve depression.
- Positive Thinking Somewhat Helpful
- It's really hard to do...or rather, it's really hard to REMEMBER to do. But I've been getting better at it. It just takes a little practice.
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- I was with one therapist for a couple months. But I guess I didn't trust her enough to share everything with her. She understood, and I switched to another therapist. However, a situation occurred around February 2009 and I haven't seen a therapist since.
- Writing Somewhat Helpful
- Sometimes it helps, sometimes it makes things worse because I can't help but go back and read what I wrote. =/
- Zoloft Working / Worked
- It worked but I decided to get off of it.
- Abilify Working / Worked
- It worked but it always made me really twitchy and I got more heart palpitations than was normal for me. It also gave me really vivid and bizarre dreams. I didnt like it so I stopped.
Open Sexual Abuse
I was sexually abused a couple times when I was around twelve years old. I'd rather not say by who, if that's okay.
Treatments
- Talking Not Working
- I don't feel comfortable enough to really let myself share such things with people.
- Psychotherapy Too Soon to Tell
- Its a long process. Im convinced that nothing will work but were working it through little by little I think.
Open Gay & Lesbian Teens
I noticed that I was attracted to women at about age 13. I asked my mom about it. She said that was normal. But when I got to be a freshman and high school and saw this one girl walking down the halls of my school, I KNEW I liked them. I've been in several relationships with men, none of which I really cared about or was into. But I have only been in one with a girl (after all the guys), which lasted two years. It was my first and only love-filled relationship.
Open Teen Sexuality
KrystalC hasn’t entered any details for this support group.Open Codependency
I've always been extra sensitive to people's moods, and pleasing others is a must. I'm terrified of hurting people's feelings and am constantly looking for love and attention. I just learned the other day that this is variation of something called "codependency". I've never heard of it before a couple weeks ago, but I seem to fit into the label perfectly. =/
Treatments
- Pets Somewhat Helpful
- My dogs make me feel loved and appreciated and needed, but sometimes I need more than an animal to make me feel better.
- Talking Somewhat Helpful
- Talking in itself is only a little helpful. Being able to talk to someone I trust means a lot.
- \"Codependent No More\" Working / Worked
