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keagansmom 
1:56pm, April 2, 2009
I was sitting here holding the 1 yr old and was thinking wow the kids have been here for a few weeks now and i think i have only held her 3 times. I think ive distanced myself from the kids because it seems like im scared to love anyone anymore. Im sitting here looking at keagans hand the hospital nurse brought up that stuff the day before keagan died and did a mold of his hand. i am also sitting here looking at my make a wish bracelet that we got when we did keagans make a wish in january and told him i would never take it off and the only time i took off my bracelet was when he passed away he was so skinny that the bracelet fell off of him at the hospital so i put mine on him and put a new one on. It has been 8 months when is it supposed to get better. I keep thinking that im haveing one big practical joke played on me first to let me go all the way through a pregnancy to have sierra die a couple of hrs before i was to give birth, then to have keagan pass and now to have a cheating husband boy can it get any better. Things have just been bothering me the last few days I dont know why and then Tony tells me that the other night he was woken up with keagans voice saying Tony like he was wanting to ask a question. I asked tony why would he come to you? you havent been there for me you made me go through his death all by myself but he had no answer for that one.
Comments
I am sending you all my love.. so sorry to hear of your husband.. how hard for u.. please be good to yourself and know that you are loved.. love to you..
munrogirl
Hugging you tight and hoping you find some peace....Hugs, Ann
annsullivan
I know 8 months seems like a long time...but on this journey it is not. Give yourself time. I remember when Jackie found out she was pregnant with Alex's child. I was so afraid to love again too. Then she was born...and i just could not stop myself...so i decided it is better to "risk" love than to live without love. Give in to love....Karen
biowoman
I'm so sorry. I will tell you it does get better. It never will be the same but it can be good again. You probably only have the energy to work on one thing at a time. Be patient and don't be afraid to love again. We all have learned, live is too short. Much love. Robin
Robin4
I'm so sorry you are having a rough time right now. Eight months really is at a time in this journey where it is very hard. It will get a little better. I don't think it will ever go away, but it will get a little easier. Take one day at a time, and don't be afraid to love and to be loved back by those little ones who need you. Sending you a hug, Love, Kim
KimRW
Wow, you are having a hard time, but hang in there. Sorry about the husband. Sometimes, I guess, it seems like life can get no crueler but for me, I feel like I have been through the worst blow that life can deal to me so therefore, I can deal with the rest of it. One day at a time, my friend. Love, Belinda
BinkyH