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NikkiIsGod 
11:10pm November 17
Hi, i had another insent headache that went into a mirgrane so i lay down sleeped but woke up today so hungry it was werid and i ate big salad yesterday.But again once i start to get something my pain level is higher and it sucks b/c then i don't finsih me food.But i felt sharp stabbing pain non stop and its very fustrating when i'm up again around 2am and medication don't work.I know thier is alot more new growth but its hard to be normal or hang with ppl by I show pain on my face and i feel week when ppl see me in pain! I feel people around me don't want to hear about it so i don't have much to talk about and like i get really inbarssed about what my illness looks like b/c i feel no guy will want to love me b/c of my illness. I know sometimes i get grose out by it and i get mad when freacking adult say to my face that is wrong or other mean crap.Sence i been little dealing wih ppls carp and still today but i would expect it from kids not adults but my parents tells me its thier ignorence. I can't go to the beach with out ppl staring(or water parks theme parks w/e its very fustrationg b/c i wouldn't do that carp to ppl and i think its b/c of my parents teaching me its wrong to stare and think how the other person would feel if u were them) and not like just 2 sec but like for 5 sec to longer and i feel ugly and want to cry(my parents get really upset so i don't tell them b/c i know they will go up to the person and say shit but i don't want that). Like no one knows how i feel b/c they don't have it ,i do and i hated when being little and getting attention b/c of my health problems act up b/c it always got in the way of fun and still dose to this day.It bothers me so much b/c thier is more to me then my illnesses and i feel only ppl see that then me.I'm so upset right now and maybe this will help idk but the one thing i want u all to know is that everyone sence i been younger said i was and still am postive about everything. Yes, latly i'm angry at everything b/c i feel it anit fare and i feel somtimes i'm getting punished but then i also think maybe i can be the a key to helping more about these deases and god gave me the streinght but sometimes i just full i don't have it and i'm tryed of beng the strong one keeping the peace and all iwant to do is scream but can't b/c it anit lady lady like.I'm so upset but i bet later i'll be in the happer mood i'm always in.Like i deal with alot of other crap then my illness and it stresses me out more and i'm not feeling sry for myself i'm just upset and i think i have the right to be mad/upset.Hope everyone is feeling better and have a good rest of ur day and i hope i made sence but i can't sit like think anymore to much pain.Bye <333 Nikki
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be more relax
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Hey Nikki, sorry that your haveing brain pain and your surrounded by walking hemmroids ( rude people.
I use to have migrains and I use to take Imtrix med. ( I use to get my MD to give me free sample pks of the med that stopped my mirains w/in 30 minutes).
When I use to get migrains I was light sensitive and couldnt stand high pich sounds which included but not limited to my 3 dogs barking. Neighbour daughter use to stand in ft of my bed rm bay window to look at my dogs thur the window. I finely gave up requesting that Grandmother and parents of the children to keep thier children away from my bed rm window. Thank God they moved.
Lady like,lol, I often scream afew times into my sofa pillow are bed pillow.
Am sorry but I have asked people if there staring at me because thier hungry and want the meat out of my nose are butt because thier bugged eyed.
are I simple remark on passing" your mother didnt teach you not to stare ". Oh am witty and sassy and Iam a lady who was taught to be independant and to stand up for herself. Ya, on rare occassions Iv been know to show my as-s.
When in public I may appear that am stareing but am not, I can mediate standing up and take cat naps w my eyes open. ya my eyes will blink like they normal do but it doesnt mean that am fully awake.
I know that due to my illness occassional I feel like people are stare are talking about me, and some might be when am out in public but most people are so busy with thier own activitys and their own lives and wrapped in in thier own thoughts that they really dont see what ever in thier view unless its a car accident are someone sricking - something total out of norm.
Am sorta of sorry but nothing personal but unless a person need me to get them medical help are refer them to Dr I really dont wish to hear about thier daily pain. Now I do want to know if they have been seen by Dr and have been treated for what ever seems to be causeing them physical pain. I also will take time to find out if thier on physco meds and may have missed a dose and if they wish for me to call someone for them and yep I will set with them until someone arrives to help the person.
Occassional I cant help but make a face when am in physcial pain and its only natural for people to ask if they can help. Its also natural for others to stare when a person makes faces when the person is in pain - because they reflick that it could be them are they can relate to being are haveing had been in such pain thierselves.
Now lets see what else. oh ya. about people correcting us when they think we said are did something incorrect. incorrect as in how they thierselves would act are speak.
Am not anyone else but myself. My Mother and GrandMother and Aunts taught me what I needed to know when I lived at home - when I was under the age 18 and even then as now I do not nor can I think, move,justure and behave identical to someone else. Am 1 person A person with my own identity.
Regarding the food thing. Every Sat I pre make food for the following wk and I also use a whole loaf of bread to make sandw and I put the sandw's back into the bread bag that bread came in and place in refg. this incleds green salads and pasta salads. That way all I half to do is grab pre made sand are dish of premade salad are pasta salad are use mico wave for 5 minutes. I also bake a pan of stuffing that has veg and pcs of chicken in it. yep I pre slice the stuffing into squares and place pan and all in the refg..
i also have an apt size refg in my bed rm and I keep bottle water & soda and fresh fruit in my bd rm.
Ya I have days that I watch tv in bd because I dont have enough physical entergy to eat a meal at 1 setting are to do basic every day activitys.
I take med for anxiety which help when am in public are near people that I love but just dont like.
Also w my physc med I no longer have migrains.
You may are may not opt to speak with your pdoc about anxiety med. and with your MD about imtrix ( am not sure if that is correct spelling but it sounds the way I spelled it so your Dr will know what med it is ).
My morning support buddy & I go out every morning for cappi but its been 4 yrs since Iv gone inside to get my own coff-e-e. I would love to do the things that your able to do. i havent been to water park since my youngest adult son was life gard at local water park.
will the lady that washies and style my hair has arrived. Chat with you soon. If you feel like screaming it is lady like to destress by screaming into a pillow.
Admiral