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BeStill 
2:39am, February 13, 2009
My husband came back after one night out. We still haven't spoken to one another and he is sleeping in the spare room. The good news is that tension is low and there seems to be an understanding that we both just need space. The problem is that I have really gone into a hyperactive/vigilant state and am worried that I will eventually crash when he comes back around. Perhaps I should be looking on the bright side because I am actually doing OK. I am functioning and able to be there for me kids. My kids seem to be doing really well too, so thank GOd for that. As great as my husband can be, he has his issues to and they really trigger me. He has a temper and sometimes the whole "walking on eggshells" thing happens in our house. He is either or. Black or white hot or cold. The times when he is really wonderful seem to outweigh the times that he is not, but it is REALLY hard. I had a psych. Doc. tell me that he didn't think I would get better unless I wasn't wikth him any,more because of how much he triggers me. We have both done alot of healing together and I don't want to throw that out the window. I just hope we don't get stuck in a cycle that lasts our lifetime. I am all about BREAKING the CYLE!! Thanks to everyone who has supported. I really appreciate your words Aurenna.
Comments
I really cannot believe this. My husband walked out on me tonight and basically told my 5 year old that "I'm outta here." I have a 5 year old and a 3 year old that want to know where daddy is. At my husband's urging and my own, I started this really intense therapy a few weeks ago. Then we went on vacation and a bunch of triggers came up invoving the people that abused me. I went into a REALLY bad place but made it clear that it had nothing to do with him. I was not abusive towards him or angry. Just frantic and frenetic and scared and feeling threatened by everyone. He takes these things personally sometimes and demands that I owe him an apology. The problem is that I cannot control myself when I am in that place. We knew that this new therapy was goign to be hard, but he has totally pushed for it and promised me that he would be there for me when things got crazy. Well, they've gotten crazy and he has bailed. I feel like I'm being re-traumatized all over again. Luckily a friend came over tonight to be with me which really helped but I don't know how I am goignt to go forward tomorrow. I think I have to stop therapy. I can't be delving into all of this shit while my current life is in shambles. I am in a state of distrust and fear. Please pray I will find strength and let the peace of GOd wash over me.
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im so sorry hun...i know the problem of not being understood and my husband taking things personally. I think u know that this is not your fault..but keep telling it to yourself i know how easy i blame myself for stuff i really cant do anything about. Maybe he just needs some time to think too...still this is not ok! Please be strong and fight..im here if u wanna talk hugs
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Gosh I am sorry too.
Do not blame yourself. Its his issue that he can not do this. It is totally crappy of his to leave. I hope he comes his senses and comes back. He might be frustrated that he can not help you. Maybe if you figure out how he can help you he will be able to cope.
Good therapy should leave you in a better more peacful state. Only sometimes when breakthroughs are happening it might be jarring but you can control that with therapist by telling them the situation and them adjusting to the current needs. My therapist and I shift between addressing my current life issues and internal problems. It really helps to have someone give good life advice. I am not sure if your therapist is good with this.
Keep us posted.
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I wish I had read your journal earlier. We seem to be in the same position. My Therapist just called and wants My husband to come in with me during my next session. I hope it Helps. Earthlake recommended a book to me called "Allies in Healing" It is written to help the SO. It might help your Husband to read it. I'm so sorry he has done this. You are not to blame, you are trying to heal. Hopefully your Therspist can help with this. Hang in there! Hugs to you and your Babies!!
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I'm sorry to hear your Husband walked out. I'm sure it's hard for him to understand. They say it gets worse before it gets better...so hang in there.
Maybe your husband can go with you to a therapy session so your therapist can be a mediator and explain PTSD and therapy and his role.
Yeah, there are books out there for spouses, I bought them for my hubby, he hasn't read them :(
Hang in there..
Hooray!!
being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
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Sometimes it feels overwhelming when you have to deal with the PTSD and other people. Right now I have a strong desire to find s cabin in the woods and not have to deal with anyone else. Just a delightful dream. I'm glad your Husband came back. What I am finding out, is as you start healing, your relationship will go through many changes. I hope your Husband has the strength and respect for you to change with you. This is a very rough time, BUT don't give up on yourself. You need to do this for you. Your family will benifit from it too. Keeping you in my thoughts. Hugs!!
Aurenna
Is good to hear you are doing ok, all things considering,I agree Aurenna is great, her words are always helpful......
amiko
Maybe your husband has Depression or Irritable Male Syndrome. His irritability might be helped by a mood stablizing med like Depakote.
Men experience depression a bit different than women.
My hubby was really irritable, and Depakote has done wonders for him!!
Hang in there...If you're used to those "up" times, and then know there's a 'Crash' coming soon...it probably will occur. It might be good to track your moods. Google Bipolar Mood Chart or something like that to get a form of a mood chart. I had 1 week a month where I was 'up', then the 'crash.' Now, it's gone...b/c of meds, I miss that upswing.
HUGS!
TLCDaisy
Glad to hear he is back.
My therapist told me I have to leave and I did. My x is not a treatable case though.
If your hubby is black and white, he might have BPD which is treatable. And yes BPD stuff will trigger. I dated a BPD guy and he triggered me very badly. I think its cuz we had so many similar issues. I am still BPD and fixing it bit by bit.
I wish you best,
Keep us posted.
K
Kath08