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mariec99
14
"Just tired of it. I am just waiting to die and it can't come fast enough. Why am I condemned to be lonely and unloved for my whole life?"
12:09pm, March 31, 2009

  • About Me

    Image of mariec99

    mariec99

    14
    USA
    Member since December 14, 2008

    • About Me

      I am not sure what to put here yet, lol. I have suffered from depression for most of my life and now I have to deal with anxiety, too. Crap...and I am fat now, too. I am single, never married, childless, unloved. Do I even exist? I am afraid that things are bad and getting worse. I am using this site to hang on...though I am not sure what for. The venting helps, although I am sure that I will start to sound like a broken record at some point.

      I am not sure what to put here yet, lol. I have suffered from depression for most of my life and now I have to deal with anxiety, too. Crap...and I am fat now, too. I am single, never married, childless, unloved. Do I even exist? I am afraid that things are bad and getting worse. I am using this site to hang on...though I am not sure what for. The venting helps, although I am sure that I will start to sound like a broken record at some point.

  • Journal

    • I'd prefer an abusive relationship to this

      Mood March 31, 2009 12:38pm

      I am so tired of trying to figure what has been wrong with me for my entire life.

       

      I am going to do some judging here - forgive me, I am not sure …

    • well intentioned?

      Mood March 18, 2009 3:08pm

      Often....too often...people comment about me that I "am so independent" or "so self-sufficient" or "such a devoted career …

    • Is it ever my turn?

      Mood March 17, 2009 1:33pm

      I am so frustrated and sad today. Is it ever ok for me to "turn off" the sunny, happy, pretend facade I put up and be a real person who …

    • Damn - I need to stop the slide

      Mood March 11, 2009 1:29pm

      Sorry - this will be a long post. It has been a while since my last post so I have to get a lot out.

       

      I weighed myself this morning and realized …

    • Why do I do this to myself?

      Mood December 29, 2008 2:27pm

      I feel good today mood wise but I have been thinking a lot lately about the reasons why I let myself get this way and why I have such a hard time …

    Read Journal

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  • Goals

    Lose weight and get fit

    Progress

    0 %

    Current Weight (Lbs)
    236
    Body Mass Index (BMI)
    43.5

  • Support Groups

    • Close Depression
      Type: Clinical (Major) Depression

      I am not sure what to put here yet, lol. I have suffered from depression for much of my life and now have to deal with anxiety, too.

      Treatments

      Geodon Not Working
      Nightmare of a drug. Made me anxious. Gave me horrible insomnia.
      Lexapro Somewhat Helpful
      Was ok...made me gain weight and sweat.
      Prozac Working / Worked
      Worked but killed any sexual desire and made me gain weight and sweat.
      Psychotherapy Working / Worked
      It is damned hard to find a good therapist. I am still working on that.
      Wellbutrin Not Working
      I tok this for 6 months. It was 6 months of hell - extreme anxiety and constant sweating. And it did nothing for my depression.
      Selegiline Too Soon to Tell
      So far my mood is ok...not great. it does nothing for my hormonal swings that put me into the suicidal range. I am breaking out like a teenager.

    • Close Obesity

      Treatments

      Avoid Certain Foods / Chemicals Somewhat Helpful
      I was on Atkins for a year and a half and lost 9 pounds total. I never stopped craving breads. it was torture.
      Gastric Bypass Surgery Considering
      I am close to having a surgery date set up but I am petrified. I am so scared that I will not be able to keep up the special diet and I have no support from family and friends.
      Topamax Not Working
      Did not work - made me slur my speech, clumsy, feel electric shocks, couldn't think of words when talking.
      Weight Watchers Not Working
      Did not work - made me think about food constantly. Was hungry and frustrated.

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