RyannsDad's Journal

where to start?? well.. i gave up my place to live for like 6 months.. tried the best i could to make ammends with my significient other only to find out just how complicated things had gotten?? spent a lot of time working and getting burnt out till i finally found a place to call home once again.. only to get sick once more and this time have it cost me my job?? not really a great start to a new life or even a continuation of an older cry for help?? all in all it's been a pretty tough battle.

from having my job run me into the ground as well as the collateral damage seep into the only 2 parts of my life i've really known.. basically any and everything that could go wrong has succeeded in doing so.. but i'm still alive.. i nkow that because i run to the can every like 10 minutes and a dead guy wouldn't be able to do that.. just ask elvis.. lol

i'm still full of hope because i've given up on myself a long time ago and realized that no matter how shitty things can get.. there is always something amazing inside the threads that i've woven for myself in the messes i seem to make.. i have no idea when or how i'll make this life my own once again but each time i look at Ryann it fills me with something undescribably more.. she is my chance at something better and as much as i've let her down in the past because of the situation she was born into it doesn't mean that i have to follow that path.

just a blurb for now as i'm still trying to figure out how to be able to stay in a house without a home as well as make right a bunch of poor decisions that i've had to suffer for.. still taking my meds and hoping to find a way off because i miss being myself.. i can still feel my own demon of shelter brewing inside and see his strength grow with each test i try and fail at.. i'm not a hopeless cause but more of a pending work in progress that still has a chance.. even when i have to do it alone!!

so in short.. unemployed and a shortlived home isn't really cool but if i can make my own break then i know nothing can stop me.. not a gamble as i gave that up long ago without regret.. hard work and getting past a fear that will keep haunting unless i can take control of it and my life is worth it.. so is Ryanns!!