smashleya3c's Journal

The longest I have been able to stay in school has been four and a half hours, the shortest time, 20 minutes.  I have dropped two classes out of seven.  I'm only caught up in 2 sort of.  I end up missing a lot of school so I'm always behind.  Less than 55 days left of school, at least that's what the school nurse told me.  I tried sleeping sitting up for a week and that didn't go so well, I was only able to sleep a half an hour each night if that and by the end of the week my back hurt and I was extremely exhausted.  I'm back to sleeping on my side and just dealing with the pain of that.  I've been  getting really bad tension headaches and my jaw has been acting up.  The last couple of days my head hurt when I  wake up.  I decided to go babysitting this weekend and a just barely getting through it.  I haven't gone out of town since spring break because long car rides kill my neck and makes my jaw worse.  I'm behind on so much homework and I know my teachers don't really mind, but it really bugs me because it's so overwhelming to even think about that.  My moms been nicer and is now realizing that I can't be my "normal" self anymore.  The last few days I haven't been eating the greatest, mostly marshmellows.  Life just seems to be a mess and I don't know what I'm going to do after high school.  At least my vice principal is nice and he even gave me the option to go to school one night a week for about an hour to get the one credit I need.   This was very tempting, but I have already signed up for my AP tests and I might as well take them.  The kid I'm babysitting for threw up on me yesterday.  He threw up right on my lap, it was extremely disgusting.  I have never been thrown up on in my life and have never cleaned up throw up except once and it was in a bucket.  I cleaned my pants right away and practically scrubbed my skin off.  I hated it because his mom was here and she thought I was mad.   I really wasn't mad, I was just upset and kind of having a panic attack, and felt like I was going to throw up myself.  I used to be a really big germophobe so I cleaned my self with soap, boiling water, and then doused myself in hand sanitizer and probably washed my hands in hand sanitizer twenty times to calm myself down.  The only time I actually use it is after anatomy when we are disecting things, otherwise I don't feel clean and the smell of the preservatives isw raunchy.  I just need to take every day bone baby step at a time.