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AtticusFinch 
2:39am, April 11, 2009
Okay. I can't rid myself of the father wound. That torn, jagged rip in my soul that my father put there. I can't recall one specific incident when it happened. It seems to have ben rended over a period of years. Truthfully, I am capable of what he wants. A mindless person that just works, works works works and shoves all his anger into a deep pocket hidden away forever only to manifest itself in chewing staples, grindingteeth, explosive outbursts at loved ones and ignoring the emotions of those that count on you. Yeah, I could do just what he wants. He want's revenge or punishment because I was born, more to the point that my brother was born, I was adopted first. Hell I really don't know what he's thinking, but thanks pop, Just like you, I am angry, confused, disapointed, and now disfunctional taking a plethora of psycotropic chemicals just so I can drive into town with out flyng into a murderous rage at some poor fool late for work at the chicken plant and riding my bumper. Thanks to you and your habit of ignoring the things that I loved and was passionate about, I have no confidence in my abilities. Thanks to you I have managed to crawl and drag and suffer myself deeper into the vile swamp I so desperately want to escape from. Are you happy yet? I'm near drowning in this filth. It laps with a putrid, fedid smell and a suckling slugeonly grip upon my throat. My mind screams to me to turn back. Yet with the patronly guidence of your hand firmly upon my moral shoulder. I struggle to die here, confident that when at last I slip under the mire, you will finally love me then.
Comments
I've had it. With America, with Islam, with socialists, marxists, communists, dictators, egalitarians, with ALL OF YOU1 AMERICA is ment to be the melting pot where we all conjoin not in brotherhood, nor hatred, not in comradierie, nor sufferance, but in tollerance. In the knowledge and the practice and the enforcement of individuality. regardless of welth, knowledge or creed. all men are of value. Done. End of story. One mankind, one world.... OUR WORLD!
UPDATED GOALS
Stability in 4 months
Progress 35%
Encouragements: 0
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I agree. Why can't people get along. Sure we are all different, but isn't that a good thing?
Hello all my friends! I have finally accuired the computer again from the wife! So to update ya'll, this is what's up!:
1. The kids are good. many parenting issues, but we are a fine family none the less! SAFE, HEALTHY, AND HAPPY! In that order is our family moto!
2. I have a pack of the most rascally, knuckle headed mutts that redneck ville could throw at me. Okay, it started with the neighbors black lab/pitt mix having puppies. At 3 months, he loads up the marlin .22 and starts popping pups. Needless to say, It took all I had not to pop his puppymaker with my .40 pistol. By the time we got over there, there was one of 6 left. We took him. Later, his mother, becomes a constant pressence in our yard. In the mean time, his wifes b-day present, a sharpie-mix, is starving to death in there yard. The dog is hyper neurotic, and will NOT bond, but now she eats here with Tuff, his mom Lady, the bull dog I rescued from two doors down, These dogs were dead if I didn't tell the owners, LET ME HAVE THEM. So a lot of money to the vet later, there are 5 dogs in my yard. Muffin, Tuff, Lady, Tatter bug, a stray bull dog I named Honey, for here eyes. Then Lady hits her season, and Corky the chow cocker spaniel mix comes to stay. Shortly ther after, some 160 pound, Great perineese looking monster comes sniffing by. Basically, the postmaster drives her car right up to the front steps and blows the horn! HA!!!!
3. I will get to my messages, but my wife has taken on=line schooling. She scares me, and has told me she will brain me with a 12" cast iron skillet if I disturb her school work, so I can't always get to the comp.... Oh dang! I think I hear her coming!!!!! GOTTA GO!
UPDATED GOALS
Stability in 4 months
Progress 20%
Encouragements: 0
Add your supportComments
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We have a somewhat normal neighborhood until all of the pets, children and car/trucks are out to play. I swear most neighbors have on average 5 cars/truck. The animals are on average 5 also. We live in the country, so our back neighbor has donkeys, cows, pig, goats, chickens,etc. I like where I live if I could get anyone to care about my house as much as me. My husband has been helping me out some so of course that makes me love him more. I'm like Al Bundy, when Peggy started cleaning he got that twinkle in his eye. Today is another big day I hope. The kids and the dog will be at the grands for 2 days. We maybe able to get some work done around here. My allergies are so bad, I really have a difficult time. Plus we have decided to change the guest room furniture with our furniture. Big things happening around the house! I hope all is well with you and your family.
How many children do you all have?
Flower
Past Entries
| January 2009 |
Saturday, 1/03
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December 2008 |
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Tuesday, 12/30
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Sunday, 12/21
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Monday, 12/15
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Monday, 12/15
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Goal Updated
I am so sorry that you feel this way. I am not sure what your dad did, and i am not sure if you are even speaking, but I hope you know that you are a good person and father. I am sure your father loves you, maybe he is the type that does not show it. I don't know him, or know what to say, but I am here for you and so is your family. I am sure you are proud of them and they are proud of you :) I hope this helps. Take care and please keep us posted.
skylark94560
Hi. Yup been there done that. Your fathers issues have nothing to do with you. NOTHING. He is just a damaged person. Most likely a Narcissist. He projected all the feelings he has about himself on to you. He feels worthless, cuz he is worthless, and so he makes you feel worthless.
That worthlessness wound has to be healed with love and support.
I think I am healed up finally. My therapist has take the place of my parents in my head. And it feels great. I am going on record of no self harm. You are a smart guy and you will get there as well. I have faith.
Kath08
Oh and no he never loved you.
Skylark some people are not capable of love. Please do not be an abuse enabler.
Kath08