nikki20's Journal

Mike is gone to california.  I am all alone for the next ten days.  Once he gets back hes leaving again a week later for another five days.  My Mom chose to 'party' this weekend instead of staying with me.  I have been in tears.  My hearts aches and I miss my Michael so much.  :'-(  My Mom is so selfish too.  I wish she would just move back to Boise.  I wish she would just go away.  When she is here and disregards me its worse, in Boise she had an excuse.  Do you really have an excuse to disregaurd your children?  It doesnt matter, she made her choice to get drunk this weekend.  It hurts me that she hasnt even called or text to check on me and the boys.  I know she knows I can handle it but arent you supposed to check in on your children when they are all alone at night and during the day?  I just got my first phone call from relatives asking how I am coping- it was from HIS Mom and Dad!  It just goes to show who gives a damn. I am so mad my mother right now if she does call I am going to tell her to leave me alone. }:-(  

Anyways now I am just substituting my saddness with anger and its just making things worse for me.  My heart is still hurting and I am still feeling so lonely I could just blow away with the wind.  All around me are little momentos that Mike was just here and now gone.  (how do you military wives/girlfriends do it??)  

When Mike left he kissed me told me he loved me and then told me to take care of his boys with tears running down his cheeks.  He held it together until the goodbye and crumbled.  He loves us.  I guess it was all revieled at that moment in the flesh.  God knows I love him.  God knows I miss him......i really miss him....