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In addition to my ongoing health issues, I've had ongoing family issues. The family issues escalated to a crisis point during easter weekend. It was at this time I had to make a decision - I couldn't continue to deal with the added daily stress of my family craziness while I was trying to take care of myself. There was a HUGE fight that involved everyone and I decided to pull away from everyone. I told everyone exactly how I felt and told them that I just could not be involved in the ongoing drama anymore. I come from a family of alcoholics and recovering alcoholics. And one side enables the other. And I get thrown in the middle on a daily basis. The phone rings constantly - I am always the mediator. In the meantime, I have my own health that I am trying to take care of. I just couldn't do it anymore.
The other thing that I realized was that I have been sick for quite some time now - and my family NEVER visited me. I always had to visit them. If I never travelled to their neighborhood I would never see them at all. That's always the way it was - but after I got sick, it would be nice if they came out to see me. Instead they just drag me over there into their drama.
It's been about a month. I've successfully lived with peace an quiet. My husband and I finally weren't being disturbed at 9, 10, and 11 at night with the phone ringing with some kind of drama. Until tonight. 7:45 the phone rings - without looking I pick up. Damn it. It's my sister. There is no way that she hasn't been drinking for a few hours already by 7:45. It already starts. I told her I don't want to get into it - but she pushes, won't take no, for an answer. Won't let it just end with a nice goodbye - keeps pushing and I have to hang up on her. An hour later and she has called three times. Two messages and one hang up. Here we go. This is exactly why I pulled away from my family in the first place. And this is nothing. The actual event that set me off involved cops at my sister's apartment and my mother saving the day - taking in a drug addict to keep the cops from taking away the druggies baby. My mother is going to have a heart attack from protecting my sister.
But I am not getting dragged back in tonight. I am taking the phone off the hook. I am taking care of myself. I've done all I can. I've offered all I can. For years. I'm sick now. So I am going to be selfish. I'm going to vent in my journal and go watch a movie.
Comments
hey my jen, hang in there girlie. you kinda know what i went through with my aunt. i finally did pull away totally, felt a lil guilty plus she tried to make me more guilty as well. but you are a strong girl and can beat your illness, you are way to good of a person to be sick all the time. you can beat this but yes you must remove drama and others problems. let them fight it out. may sound harse but you need to JUST consintrate on you and your immediate family. you can do this jen, i've always admired your strenght and i dont want to see you slip away from that power. you got it all kid, perswonality, a good geart, looks and a lot of love so give it to those who treat your right!! always here if u need me.
i have been successfully pulling myself away from shanes problems and i tell you i feel so much better mentally and physically. i hope it lasts cause i have been feeling pretty good for a week or 2 now.
sad thing is is that i had to go in a different direction from shane but if that what it takes then thats what i will do. xo to you
jennaj2008
would have been nice too had i checked my spelling, lol
jennaj2008