CharlieLouise's Journal

Rainbow Illusion

I find myself treading water in this ocean of rainbow illusion

Around me swirls colors of emotion, of pain, of activity, of right and wrong

The shades of grey, the shades of me, separate us

Somewhere buried deep inside of me exists colors, too

Hidden under layers of rejection and self denial

Occasionally I get hit in the face with a splash of color

I can feel it trying to find its way under my skin,

To make some connection with what’s hidden within me

Instead it just trickles slowly down and falls off

Melting away, once again at home in the ocean

From time to time exhaustion sets in

The strain of this non-stop treading becomes too much

My body gives up, gives in, looses control, stops

I feel myself go under, completely surrounded, head under water

Overwhelmed, loss of control

For brief a moment shards of colors rip through me

Tearing at my flesh, tearing at my soul

I want to let the colors take over, to loose myself and disappear in the ocean

I am tired of the fight

But flight has never been an option for me

Some unexplainable strength within me refuses to let me quit

So with some hidden reserve, even I didn’t know was there

I push to the surface, gasping for air

And continue to tread water in this ocean of rainbow illusion.