nycflyer's Journal

Haven't written in a while so I am definately overdue. Just back from the Men's step group. I am greting so much from it. It has been really helpful in that I am learning to interact with straight men and even more, to trust stright men. Tonight was the first night I realized I am really starting to feel " a part of". In fact, this morning I was joking and playig around and extra social and even took a few numbers.

As I listened to the men I realized that I find the integrity and dedication I see in them to be very sexy and attractive. Intersting that it is a different appreciation in that it isn't necesarily sexual, just a new appreciation for different attributes than I usually seek. I am really enjoying conecting with these guiys on these deeper levels, and there is a sense of intimacy that is so fulfilling. I was actually sad leaving the meting tonight because I don't want it to end. As I delve deeper into these esteemable and satisfying relationships the lust issue subsides a bit as I see how a random hook up would pail in comparison. I even feel a bit nurtured in the room, and that is something I didn't get enough of from my father, who, as an alcoholic himself, was unequipped to provided much on my account.