bb48's Journal

Damn, i was doing soo well, cruising through life, liking my new look, muscles starting to "pop" & then boom today i hit a wall.

i think it is because i have to take this blasted final exam for a refresher course & i am scared that i won't pass.

so here it goes again: self-fear

tip that domino then the rest come falling down leaving me no place to go but back to my safety.

my safety, also my nemisis, keeps me hidden away so i don't have to face the real world which is just too difficult right now.

i wish people understood me better, understood my life.

i spent most of today looking at images of anorexic women, instead of studying, & i liked the images.

hope this is just a bad hormone day & not the start of something else.

oh, i could just cry.

i think i will.