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bb48 
2:02pm, May 19, 2009
Have been busy since last week & being out of town. Trying to finish up my shopping and plan for a party, the washing machine died (full of water & clothes), the vacuum blew up, & I still need the new furnace. Well that's my three.
Went to the doctor on Monday, after yet another nosebleed on Sunday, I have a raging sinus infection and my eyeballs have a headache! They took blood & I failed that test, which I have to return back to the lab for further testing.
Yet, I am remarkably in an up-beat mood. I am not sure why but I am going to run with it. I have made a concious decision that I am going to like Christmas again and not stress out or be depressed. Some days are easier than others. Today is one of them.
I forgot to eat dinner last night, oh that is a lie, I avoided dinner last night because I did not go to the gym yesterday. This morning I broke 100 the wrong way. I saw an anorexic at the gym on Sunday & I was jealous.
Enough for now, off to errands & eventually the gym. Cardio day only.
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First time back since December 17, who was that girl that wrote that message? Can she come back into my head. Knew I needed to come back today life has beaten me down once again, & I am still flunking my blood tests and eye exams. I am lonely as hell and ED is starting to creep back in, this happens when I feel out of control or down about areas in my life. I think about starving myself (and I have difficulty eating anyway when I am down). I am going to be off soon to the gym, to do at least an hour of cardio (I just received an injection of cortisone last week, so my hip bursa is calmed down and I can exercise again!).
Thinking about starting some head med again if this darkness does not subside. Can't wait till Wed. to see my shrink.
I am also feeling so let down by my friends, family and my marriage.
bb48