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fullambermoon 
10:44pm, February 2, 2009
I recently had some family in town and my aunt talked to me about my situation. She told me that addicts are the best manipulators, that they will twist their story to fit were it needs to be to keep you right were you are. It was like a sock in the face it hit me so hard. I have been manipulated totally by my X. He lied, cheated, abused and used me and I still jump in for more. How can you stop the hurt when you keep yourself in it? I tied so hard to stay away and I tried so hard to keep my promises to myself. And any atention or recognition I recived from him made me happy, even when I new he was out with another woman just knowing he'd "eventually" come back made me feel content in my own little world of manipulation. I cried all night and we have been seperated for 4 months, I've been kick and draged threw the mud so many times its like I like the taste of it. I sound pathetic and its so easy to give someone else advice and then I turn around and cant listen to myself talking. How to I recover from this when I am not the one using? What is the truth and what is just another manuipulation from him? I am still so lost!
Comments
oh! girl! i wish i had THE answer for you, i'm married to an addict and know all the pain that comes with that! i would suggest maybe a GOOD therapist... maybe Al-Anon meetings [if those help you, they don't help everyone, some like them, some don't, it also depends on where you go, people and meeting work differently everywhere to some level]... i definitely wouldn't recommend ''keeping everything bottled up inside'' cry if you need to, pray if you think this can help you, and take care of as you can't control him! Are you still with him?
i wish you allllllllllll the best girl! :) [please ake or leave any advice i give, i'm not a ''professional or anything and everyone is different and i don't mean to offend anyone....]
LOOKIN4BETTERDAYZ
p-s: addicts are the BEST manipulators, when using esp. when they are in recovery, after that trust can be built, slowly, i think.
LOOKIN4BETTERDAYZ
I dunno if the trust can be built again, im sorry if I sound negetive, I dont mean to be! Trust and forgiveness are our (addicts or recovering addicts spouse I mean) biggest hurdles, infact my husband has also decided to leave me, after all the drug use, lies, deciet and hurt, it seems the biggest threat to my marriage is me. I just cant forget, forgive or trust and it has eroded our souls and our marriage. As of today im doing it all alone!
I know it makes sense and I know that someone cannot live life with someone who cant forgive them or trust them, especailly someone who is trying to stay sober, deal with mental health issues and the loss of a loved one. (As my husband is)
omoalsa