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fullambermoon 
10:44pm, February 2, 2009
I recently had some family in town and my aunt talked to me about my situation. She told me that addicts are the best manipulators, that they will twist their story to fit were it needs to be to keep you right were you are. It was like a sock in the face it hit me so hard. I have been manipulated totally by my X. He lied, cheated, abused and used me and I still jump in for more. How can you stop the hurt when you keep yourself in it? I tied so hard to stay away and I tried so hard to keep my promises to myself. And any atention or recognition I recived from him made me happy, even when I new he was out with another woman just knowing he'd "eventually" come back made me feel content in my own little world of manipulation. I cried all night and we have been seperated for 4 months, I've been kick and draged threw the mud so many times its like I like the taste of it. I sound pathetic and its so easy to give someone else advice and then I turn around and cant listen to myself talking. How to I recover from this when I am not the one using? What is the truth and what is just another manuipulation from him? I am still so lost!
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I drove by the house and now I feel stupid. The things I put out are taken down and I am down. Why didnt he ever calll me, reach out, fight for me? I did all the 10 years of our relation. I am just not a priority to him. And that cuts like a knife. So much for hope because I have no more.
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so sorry hun, i know that pain..... you care so much and they just don't seem to care at all and it just hurts your heart.... doesn't it? well, that's how it is for me..... anyway i'm sorry for your pain, and around xmas time..... i'm alone for xmas so i can relate........ anyway......... i hope you'll feel better soon.... i wish you all the best!
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Were have you been is everything ok?
I am sad, Me and my X have not talked in over a month and tomorrow is Christmas Eve and I am sad about the traditions we had and now I am alone. I feel lonely and vulnerable. I miss him and love him, he is so lost and into drugs. And I am so lost in my codependences in him...I saw him driving the other day at 7am when I was going to work and he was obviously just going home from his night out with his new crowd of friends. He has abandoned all of the people that truly love him and wan ttot help him and only hangs out with this group of druggies which is bringing him down. He had everything going for him, a house, a loving wife, a great family, and a great job. Now he has only his family who seem to be taking a side line action to this when I am going out of my mind with worry. Why is it when you have everything in your grasps and in one second it is all gone just with a slip of a finger? I miss him like I can not explain my heart is aching. Christmas; my first time with out him in 10 years. How hard will this be? How much more can my heart take?
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Dear friend,
i am so so so so soooooo very sorry for you sadness and pain! :(
i can totally relate with what you are going through...... last year, it was my first xmas without my husband, he was in rehab at the other end of the coast... and he didn't even cal or send me a cad that year it was so hard, and this year.... things are so difficult this year, their isn't a tree, nothin.... i know he's going to visit with family for xmas but i don't feel comfortable with them so don't know if i'm gonna go... anyway it's a rough holiday year, i'm not into it at all.
so understand your codependency of him, i am a very codependent of my husband... i just want him to be healthy etc... but i have no control over it... and at the same time, i wish he'd care about me too, but he's too into his own bubble/addiction/own double life with his druggy friends to care.....
i am so sorry that you have to feel this pain, again, because i feel the same pain. i really hope he wakes up and realizes whats going on..... but if he doesn't, i do wish you all the best and hope you can find happiness..... if this xmas is too hard, just maybe you could try to take it eazy relax and not to the whole usual BIG DEAL .... i don't know it's up to you. i just hope you take care of yourself because this evil awful "disease" (or so they call it)... makes the families (wife's/girl friends), and good close friends sick too, it can drive you crazy, make you depressed etc....... i know this is all making me "sick" i sometimes don't wanna live anymore, i have lots of anxiety, i'm always stressed about money problems, expecting bad news ALL the time... etc.........
anyway write as much as you want, i'm here for you..... try to take it one day at a time, and remember it's outta your control (i know its easier said than done, i have a hard time doing this) but really it's out of our hands.
i send you a big hug, you're a strong girl!
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oh! girl! i wish i had THE answer for you, i'm married to an addict and know all the pain that comes with that! i would suggest maybe a GOOD therapist... maybe Al-Anon meetings [if those help you, they don't help everyone, some like them, some don't, it also depends on where you go, people and meeting work differently everywhere to some level]... i definitely wouldn't recommend ''keeping everything bottled up inside'' cry if you need to, pray if you think this can help you, and take care of as you can't control him! Are you still with him?
i wish you allllllllllll the best girl! :) [please ake or leave any advice i give, i'm not a ''professional or anything and everyone is different and i don't mean to offend anyone....]
LOOKIN4BETTERDAYZ
p-s: addicts are the BEST manipulators, when using esp. when they are in recovery, after that trust can be built, slowly, i think.
LOOKIN4BETTERDAYZ
I dunno if the trust can be built again, im sorry if I sound negetive, I dont mean to be! Trust and forgiveness are our (addicts or recovering addicts spouse I mean) biggest hurdles, infact my husband has also decided to leave me, after all the drug use, lies, deciet and hurt, it seems the biggest threat to my marriage is me. I just cant forget, forgive or trust and it has eroded our souls and our marriage. As of today im doing it all alone!
I know it makes sense and I know that someone cannot live life with someone who cant forgive them or trust them, especailly someone who is trying to stay sober, deal with mental health issues and the loss of a loved one. (As my husband is)
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