mamacow2's Journal

I'm depressed and I don't know how to pray.  Today is court.  Today the GAL, Caseworker, and Defense Attorney all get to present plans for our Godchild and her mother.  If we're lucky, I'll get to present on behalf of them too.  I need to pray God's will.

Here's how the day began...I guess not THE day, MY day, has to be MINE, not any one else could begin a day like this (lol):

The sun peeked through the blinds so I rolled over and pulled the comforter up to block it out for another coveted 10 minutes of precious shut-eye (now I understand why covet is listed as a sin in the ten commandments!).  I smelled the aroma of freshly brewed coffee so I knew my hubs was in the living room and would take care of Aspen if she woke up early.  He snuck back in the bedroom to --not wake me up-- and say "Goodbye" as he left for his 8am appointment in a neighboring town.  I listened to the gentle thud of the front door and purr of my car as he drove off.  The rest of the house was silent so all was good.  More snooze time for me.  I instantly feel into a deep sleep.

Ten minutes later, I was standing wide-eyed at attention, but definately not awake, at the side of Aspen's crib, to a reveille of screeches from a hysterical 18 month old who had somehow gotten her beloved tippy cup on the other side of her crib bars and couldn't pull it through.  It took long microseconds for me to figure out the situation and the solution--take the tippy cup out of her hand and lift it over the crib rails into her other hand so she and it were on the same side of the crib bars and could be happily reunited.  :-)  Screaming instantly replaced with "tant oo" and happy drinking noises, I walked into the kitchen, poured some cold coffee in a cup (hopefully it was a clean one, still wasn't too awake), plopped it in the microwave, and headed to the bathroom to splash water on my face so I could fully wake up and begin the already begun day.  I rounded the corner and stepped in something ominously gooey.

I didn't have to look down to recognize the squish.  In October, we adopted a rescue pup.  Well, Geezer isn't exactly a pup.  He's about 8 or 10 years old.  He's a 5 pound Yorkie who is very sweet, has cataracts, little tumors all over his body, very little hair left, and only 5 teeth, none of which match up.  He is no threat to anyone.  He only barks at us when we come home and loves Aspen.  He is house broken, pretty much.  I say, pretty much, because he only eats vienna sausages--so his previous rescuers told us-- and if his diet is changed 1 iota, he gets a case of Montazuma's Revenge.  Not bad, if someone is up to let him out in the mornings. 

Well, last night hubs thought he'd be nice and give Geezer a treat and fed him some left over roast beast and since hubs left earlier this morning than Geezer normally goes outside (7:30 am), and I was coveting those extra few minutes of glorious zzzzz's, poor Geezer who doesn't bark and beg to be let outside, just went to the Bathroom to go to the ... um... bathroom.  (Who knew a little 5 pound dog who ate a tablespoon of roast beast could manage to pooey so much in one little bathroom?)

Trust me, without making it to the sink to splash water on my face, by the time I had take the 1 step into the bathroom, I was fully awake, even without my coffee.  I wanted to cry.  I'd been up less than 3 minutes and I'd already wanted to cry.  But before I'd get my coffee, it'd only get better.

My Mom used to say, "You have two choices:  you can laugh or cry about things.  Might as well laugh; it'll make you feel better."  I wasn't ready to "feel better".

I couldn't face the bathroom yet.  I went back to gather needed supplies to clean the carpet AND my much needed coffee, when I walked past the crib and noticed the distinct aroma of a job well done from our Godchild.  She smiled at me and said, "Tinky."  Yes, indeed.  She was stinky.  She like many Americans, does her "duty" first thing in the morning.  :-)

Our routine since she moved in with us a few months ago has been, she wakes up, Poppa feeds her, I get up drink a cuppa java, we all talk and play, then she does her morning "duty" and she has her "Baaaaaaaaaaaa" (bath), gets dressed, we watch 3 kids shows, play, read books, sing, dance (she insists I dance to Barney and Baby Bop while she claps; I guess this is my aerobics), and then it's her morning "nite-nite" I shower and am ready for my day to begin.  If we stray from this routine, she squeaks, flaps, circles all day, and wakes up in the night screaming needing comfort.  So we don't deviate. 

Well, this added more interest to the situation.  I knew she needed fed.  But I knew she needed her "Baaaaaaaaaaa".  I also noticed the bulge around her left ankle which told me that she had taken her arm out of her pj sleeve, undid her diaper, put her arm back into her sleeve (very common practice among 18 month olds) all the while her diaper slid down her pj pant leg.

I hung my head, felt the tears sting my eyes and prayed, "Lord, please let her have undone her diaper after she pooey'd and let it have remained in the diaper.  Please, please, please."

I forgot about my coffee, gathered the cleaning supplies and tossed them from the doorway strategically around the bathroom floor, went back and lifted little Miss "Tinky", noting that her pj's were lumpy and gooey in places that signifyed my prayers were too late.  We waltzed on tiptoes through the maze of poo to the bathtub, I managed to strip and wipe Aspen down clean so her "Baaaaaaaaaaa" would not have to be repeated, thus one child-mess cleaned and she could happily play in the tub while I scrubbed the mess on the floor.

As the tears began to threaten all over again, it became very funny to me.  The whole situation.  I looked up at the clock which never has run correctly no matter how many new batteries we have put in it or how many times we have reset it.  It always is on some other countries time zone.  (We don't throw it out, because it's a good reminder that sometimes, time doesn't matter, and also it reminds us to pray for missionaries we know in other countries--like our daughter and her family!).  I began to giggle.  I looked up at Aspen who had taken the bar of soap and had it sitting on top of her head with her lower lip over her top lip, head cocked to one side, nodding in rythm to a song only she could hear as she pushed her yellow duck up and down the tub's waterway.  I burst into laughter.  She looked up and gave me the most gorgeous smile.  Even if I was sitting on a floor surrounded by little brown "tinky" stains, my world was righting itself.  :-)  Joy is quickly chasing the depression "all done" as Aspen would say.  :-)

No matter what the courts decide today, God is Lord, and may HIS WILL BE DONE!!!!  Not the GAL's nor the Caseworker's, not even mine.  But His and His alone.  May HE protect both her and her mother!  Amen.  :-)

My Grandmother used to say, "Bad beginning, good ending."  After the way my day began, I must be going to have one heck of a great evening!   lol

Blessings to all!  Hugs!

Lynda :-)

PS  I'm going to go get my coffee now.  lol