tincup's Journal

Well it's been almost 3 weeks now since my daughter was taken off tx.  Since her blood levels were so screwed up we still have to go in every Monday to the Cancer
Care Center for blood test & to get her Neulasta (every other week) & Procrit (every week )shots.  Every Monday since she has stopped tx we think that this is going to be the week that her blood counts turn around and every week we are dissappointed.  This week they told us she needs another blood transfusion.  My daughter didn't take the news very well, she's really furious.  I think she thought that when she stopped tx every thing would just go back to normal & all this damb doctoring & being jabbed all the time would just end.  I wish she was right.

So we go in this morning.  All prepared to sit for 6 hours.  We had our bag full of books, magazines, sudoku, word finds, deck of cards, her sketch pad, snacks & drinks.  They spent an hour & a half trying to get a vein, went through 8 needles, 4 nurses tried, no luck, her veins are collapsed.  They couldn't get the little tube threaded in her vein.  So they sent us home.  I am making her guzzle water hoping that will help.  She has been drinking plenty though, they said it's probably because her counts are so extremely low.  We have to go back in tomorrow morning for another go at it.

Yesterday when we they told us that she had to have another blood transfusion, she had a bit of a temper tantrum & told them that she refused to do so, that she wasn't doing anymore of this crap.  Although I symphathize with her , I was a bit upset with her, the nurses in there are so nice & treat her so well & she was sort of nasty.  The rest of the day she was just down right mean & wicked towards me.  However this morning she put on her game face & had got her mind wrapped around it & was trying to be very positive & brave.  I was very proud of her.  There is no way I could of sat through what she did today.  I kept telling her that she didn't have to let them try again after the 3rd time, but she stuck it out until they gave up.  They were discussing about putting a shunt in tomorrow if they can't get her veins.  I am so upset about that.  She is off tx so things should turn around soon.  I'm hoping getting this blood transfusion will give her blood the little extra boost that it needs to get back to normal & that she won't have to go through this much longer.  A shunt seems awful extreme to me. 

It's been a rough day.  Thank goodness she came home & slept most of the day because I'm having a hard time with controlling my tears.  I'm so emotionally washed out.  It's so hard to watch your precious child be tortured & so hard second guessing my decisons all the time.