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rustyc 
I'LL THOUGHT I WOULD WRITE IN MY JOURNAL I HAVNT WROTE IN A WHILE I HAVE ALOT THINGS ON MY MIND BUT DONT KNOW HOW TO SAY THEM I CARE FOR ALL MY FRIENDS AND MY FAMILY AND THEY COME FIRST BEFORE I DO AND MY PARNETS ARE SICK AND IT WORRIES ME THAT THEY WONT BE HERE LONG AND IT WORRIES ME I WONT BE HERE LONG TO I HAVE TO LIVE LIKE THIS EVERYDAY IN PAIN AND NOT KNOWING WHEN IS IT MY TIME TO GO BUT NO ONE KNOWS WHEN ITS THERE TIME TO GO EVERYONE SAY I'M BRAVE AND STRONG AND HANDLING IT GOOD BY MYSELF BUT I'M NOT I CRY ALL THE TIME AND IT HURTS KNOWING I WOULD WISH THEY NOT TELL ME SO I COULD LIVE LIFE AND NOT WORRY I TRY TO BE STRONG FOR MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY AND PUT UP A FRONT BECAUSE I DONT WANT PEOPLE THINK I'M A BIG BABY THATS WHY I LIKE TALKING AND HELPING MY FRIENDS AND PEOPLE TALKING TO ME IT TAKES MY MIND OFF OF IT I LIVE ALONE AND YOU KNOW IT ALWAYS RUNS THROUGH MY MIND I CAN ONLY WATCH SO MUCH TV AND LISTEN TO SO MUCH MUSIC WHICH CLAMS ME DOWN ALOT I NEVER HAVE COMPANY BECAUSE THE PEOPLE I LIVE AROUND THE DO DRUGS AND BAD THINGS AND I'M NOT LIKE THAT AND I CANT AFFORD TO MOVE RIGHT NOW AND SOME PEOPLE DONT WONT WANT TO TALK TO YOU IF YOU DONT ANYTHING TO SELL THEM DRUGS SO I;M ALL ALONE ALL I HAVE IS MY COMPUTER AND PHONE AND SOMETIMES I GO TO MY PARNETS WHEN I FEEL LIKE IT I DONT LIKE DRIVING WHEN I FEEL BAD AND WREAKING AND HURTING SOMEONE BUT I HAVE TO LEARN TO FACE IT IT WAS THE HAND I WAS DEALT AND ONLY GOD CAN GET ME OUT OF THIS AND MY FRIEND AND FAMILYS PRAYERS I LIKE HAVING CLOSE AND GOOD FRIENDS THAT UNDERSTAND ME AND NOT RUN BECAUSE I HAVE THIS AND MIGHT BE HERE LONG I KNOW EVERYONE HAS PROBLEMS AND SOME CANT HANDLE IT ALL I ASK IS TO TALK AND BE FRIENDS YOU DONT HAVE TO CARE ABOUT ME I JUST LIKE TALKING AND HAVING FRIENDS WELL I JUST WANTED TO SAY THIS THIS IS SOME THINGS ON MY MIND I HAVE MORE AND WILL WRITE LATER AND PRAY FOR ME AND TALK TO ME IF YOU WILL OK AND I;LL PRAY FOR YOU TO OK ..............LOVE AND HUGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS........................RUSTY
Comments
Rusty!
NO ONE thinks you area "BABY" for facing your own death. It is courageous, and scary and brave and its terrible you have to wrestly with that in your life. It terrible you live in a bad community. As I have mentioned before, I wish you would contact the local hospice as they may have visitors and some have actual houses where you can live with other people who are in the same boat as you. You can chat with me anytime. Take care, Jewel and BEEG HUGS.
OJewel
Chat is back on tommorrow, so let me know if you want to chat.
I am here for you online. I wish you weren't alone, where you live. I agree with your friend above, ask for some support. Please don't be on your own.
Love & Hugs, Ellie x
smartygirl2
Rusty, i've never looked at you like you are a "baby"! i think you are a really nice guy who's struggling loads and i pray for you daily. You have been strong and courageous and even though this is a scarry time, you've done what you are able to help others and that means alot. i do hope that i'm able to help you more throughout the next few weeks and the coming days.
i agree with Jewel about contacting Hospice or even visiting nurses or something along that line... It'd be really cool if you could find a place to live with others who are suffering... even if it's not from the same things you are. i was wondering if you could possibly move in with your parents or if that'd be just way too much for you to "live with". Then at least you'd have company and people to hang around. i'm always here to listen and willing to chat when i'm on line okay.
Many hugs and prayers.
livin4thefuture
I will pray, honey! You and your parents will be fine, just keep standing up for what you believe in, and keep putting your faith in the Lord! :) HUGE HUGS!!! Love, and God bless you...
JasmineRenee
God bless u Rusty!, i am with u...we are bothers in pain way...i belive u are very brave and u have hug love for others even when u are ill...to me thats love, thats pure love what u give to all of us, when even been lonley and feel pain u send hugs and u are there to give support, and u also need a shoulder to rest u emocions..chat will be back tomorrow i hope, and i hope see u in chat, i do not live alone, cause i have my kids, but i understand u, when u says that u just have u compu and telephone, cause my kids will never been able to give me support, they need me, and i must take care and love them, in a way that lonley feeling happen to me also, i do not work, im all time at home, and my family is in my country,i do not make friends as i have there...here in US i do not have friends..well is hard cause (normal people do not understand us)...so to me this web and u, means a lot! is the difference between feel alone and know that i am not alone cause u are there and others that understand us..i am been very down also, sad..powerless over bipolar and all, i do not have control off people or situations, i just trye to control myself and protect myself and my emotions, let go and let God, acepttances it is very very hard, but iff i can take just one day at a time, just today, just this moment, this minute, and survive with the help off this web..is less hard. we just have today my friend, yesterday is gone, and tomorrow nobody knows..is just now, this day to deal with, i agree with those that sujest to u to go to a place that iff exist (dont know) a place that u will be sorround others, and healthy people arround..until that moment iff u can, remember we are here, i am here, we share same feelings...and hope and God is what keeps me going today..as u want help me, i want help u, when i help u i forget abaut my problem, cause my mind do not think in me, so help u is help myself.Rusty i love u, with uncondicional love from above, u can trust me, u are not alone, i am here with u, and in my prayers.hugs!!
u says to me breathe..i remember, now i say to u breathe, and God will do for u what u cant do for yourselfe, u have so much to give in u heart, and we need people like u, hard to find in this selfish world, so please stay there cause i need u.
paz
Hang in there Rusty, you are doing a good job.
Aronia
you are strong and courageous as i have always said to you. You know you always have me by your side and you will continue to be in my prayers. Take one day at a time and remember you are the one who counts at the end of the day. You have always been there for me and I will always be there for you.
spanna1
Rusty we only became friends here recently and Im just begining to learn little more bout you, sweetie your journal entry really touched me, Im so sorry to hear your in alot of pain. In the short time Ive known you, honestly Rusty you are such a caring person, a wonderful friend. Some parts of your journal entry i could so relate to also. You are an inspiration, how you care for others with all your dealing with also, is truely a blessing, a special quality. I look forward to our friendship growing, here for you , angel hugs xx
SilentAngel
I THANK ALL OF YOU FOR THE KIND AND SPECIAL WORDS WORDS AND KEEP PRAYING FOR ME AND ALL OF ALL SPECIAL TO ME AND I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR FOR YOU AND BE A GOOD FRIEND TO YOU AND TALK TO YOU AND TRY TO HELP IF YOU WANTED ME TO I CARE ABOUT EVERYONE AND MY SELF LAST BECAUSE I HAVE ALOT OF LOVE TO GIVE AND CARING AND TO HELP IF IF I CAN JUST LET ME KNOW AND YOU ALL ARE SO SPECIAL IT MAKES ME CRY AND I TAKE IT DAY BY DAY SO THANKS MY TRUE FRIENDS ..........LOVE RUSTY
rustyc
Ditto to what the others have said Rustyc. Here anytime. Reaching out when lonely is what we should do and that's just what you are doing. Awsome on you! Right on! Don't hesitate. Just do it! (o;
Hugs and love,
Karen
rainbowbubblz
rusty i have just returned from a few days away,and i read your journal,oh my friend i cry for you,it is so hard to know you are in such pain in every way and i can't get to you to help,i agree with everything all the others have said,hang in there my lovely brave friend,i will listen when you need me and pray for you when you don't,and rusty please ask for help from the people who can help you,it will make a big difference to your life i promise,i love you and send my prayers and hugs to you,helen.
witchnell
THANKS TO ALL MY TRUE FRIENDS I LOVE YOU ALL AND REALLY CARE ABOUT ALL OF YOU SO MUCH AND WOULD DO ANYTHING IN THE WORLD FOR YOU AND THANKS FOR CARING FOR ME THAT MEANS ALOT TO ME AND MAKES ME CRY AND HOPE YOU GUYS WILL TAL TO ME WHEN I NEED YOU ALL MY LOVE AND HUGSSSSSSS................
rustyc
FIRST THING I WANT TO SAY TO YOU, MY HOMEBOY, IS LOOK AT ALL THE SUPPORT YOU HAVE ON HERE. I MEAN, LOOK AT ALL THESE COMMENTS ON YOUR JOURNAL. YOU ARE LOVED HOMIE, YOU ARE LOVED MORE THAN YOU KNOW, WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU. DON'T FEEL BAD ABOUT CRYING, THAT IS HUMAN. IF YOU DIDN'T CRY, THEN THERE WOULD BE SOMETHING WRONG. I CRIED MYSELF TO SLEEP ALMOST EVERYNIGHT IN REHAB AND I WASN'T ASHAMED BECAUSE I NEEDED TO GET THAT OUT. I AM SO PROUD OF YOU FOR STAYING STRONG AND OUT OF THE DRUG SCENE, THAT SCENE IS ONLY GOING TO END IN TROUBLE, HURT, OR JAIL. GOOD FOR YOU. YOU SHOULD TOTALLY BE PROUD OF YOURSELF FOR BEING TRUE TO WHO YOU ARE INSIDE. YOUR FRIEND UNTIL THE BITTER END ~SHANE
Shaner
i dont think you are a baby hun just stay away from them bad people no there no good at all you know you have a friend in me when you need one you have a lot of support on here
Tacklems
thanks to all my friends and i mean it you are my friends i care about and love and would do anything for if you needed it so whenever you need something just let me know if i;m sick or not i will listen and help becasue that what friends do and i have a big heart for all of you and care so much for each and everyone of you i have never felt so much love before in my life until i meet you guy my friends and i give it back to you and more and can never do enough to repay you but i will try with all i have in me i love you all until the end and never will find any better people in the world and this is from my heart and i cry saying all of this i;m at a lose for words when i usally talk all the time love you guys and god bless you all..................RUSTY
rustyc
Hey Rusty, you have so many wonderful friends who care about you also. That's good to know.
I am glad you are not alone.
Take care, talk to you soon.
Hugs,
Kim
Glassmaker