Journal

Hey babe, you have more strentgh then anyone i know. You have battled so much and I am proud to call u my friend! If anyone says different, screw them! I love you!!!

Don't worry Rusty, your true friends know what you meant.
Hugs,
Ellie x

We understand Rusty. The person from the other board was just concerned and nothing more. It was a misunderstanding and I hope you aren't upset. I understand you now and wish you the best in life. Look at it this way...you met some new people from being misunderstood. Thank you for reaching out to support me today. Good luck in this fight my friend.

Hey Rusty! Im sorry you felt you had to delete your journal to your friends. You have a big heart and I know all the people who know you love you very much. I hope that you are feeling better today, now what can we do it put a smile on your face? :)

I agree with Rman that it was a misunderstanding. I'm glad you're okay and it's good to have you as a new friend.

Well, sucks to all the people who seem to have an opinion on you, but don't even know you. You have so much love from your true friends on here Rusty, and especially from me homes. Know that you are in my prayers nightly and I am always thinking of you. GOD BLESS HOMIE, ONE LOVE ~SHANER

Yes, like Rman stated it was all a big misunderstanding, but it was done out of concern ...try not to be offended as they meant well... Thank you for clarifying it for us and I honestly hope all the best for you. Hang in there Rusty...Hugs

I understood what you meant. I didn't even know their was other people saying that. That is so stuipd of them for thinking that before even talking to you about it. I think that you are a great dear friend to me and I hope that you feel the same about me. I really enjoy talking to you. You got enough fight in you for me and you LOL. Well talk to you later. Lots of LOve and Big Huggs Jenn

AWWW I am sorry Rusty. I can't believe someone would say such a thing.

AWWW I am sorry Rusty. I can't believe someone would say such a thing.

Oh hun....I hate that people are saying that. You are rite in saying that they dont know you. You are a fighter. I am always praying for you and if you ever need me you can call or message me. I love ya sweets!!!! Keep fighting! Love ya hun!

Hey Rusty. I do think this was all a big misunderstanding. I met you because of it though and I might not have had that chance if it hadn't have happened the way it did. It is all okay now. Nobody is trying to hurt you. I know where you are coming from because I think we are a lot alike. You are the best honey!!

(((Rusty)) Im so sorry this happened to you, its sad sometimes how people can say things that they dont know whats truely going on, maybe sweetie it was just a misunderstanding. Anyone that knows you knows how special and how sweet you truely are and how you are truely dealing with so much with cancer. Please dont worry yourself over anything, Im sure it was just a misunderstanding and know that we love you very much and are all praying for you with all we got. Your a true sweetheart and Im so proud to have you as my friend, angel hugs xxx

Its not fair - you are one of the niceness - caring people ever to come into my life, you have alway understood me and tried to help l love you so very much sweetie, l pray for your happiness your health and even your parents - its not fair. Just as yourself I amoung many don`t want the time to come that you aren`t around. I can`t even imagon this time - yet you are always thought of as the person l found online behind the bushers lol you are so kind - positive - alway placing other before yourself and the stenght that one could have wow you have it hunny - you say hear the prayes of other have brought you time - what about your stenght you have never given up - l have spoken to you at your worst and you have continused fighting.

To those dam people that start rumos like the ones moment earlyer in rusty jounral - you need to do you homework before start another rumos - sorry this has angred me very much how dare you this wonderful loving person has fought so hard for so long it is fair - and l can tell you now rusty is doulbe the person you will ever be and has gone throught so much my heart bloody for him.

I AM GLAD TO HEAR THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO DIE. YOU SEEM LIKE A VERY NICE PERSON AND THE WORLD NEEDS PEOPLE LIKE YOU.

Good beans nothing like kicking a guy when he is down!! I do not know you, but you keep fighting!! Ignore the rumor mill folks, they just dont have anything better to do withtheir time.

Rusty!
NO ONE thinks you area "BABY" for facing your own death. It is courageous, and scary and brave and its terrible you have to wrestly with that in your life. It terrible you live in a bad community. As I have mentioned before, I wish you would contact the local hospice as they may have visitors and some have actual houses where you can live with other people who are in the same boat as you. You can chat with me anytime. Take care, Jewel and BEEG HUGS.

Chat is back on tommorrow, so let me know if you want to chat.
I am here for you online. I wish you weren't alone, where you live. I agree with your friend above, ask for some support. Please don't be on your own.
Love & Hugs, Ellie x

Rusty, i've never looked at you like you are a "baby"! i think you are a really nice guy who's struggling loads and i pray for you daily. You have been strong and courageous and even though this is a scarry time, you've done what you are able to help others and that means alot. i do hope that i'm able to help you more throughout the next few weeks and the coming days.
i agree with Jewel about contacting Hospice or even visiting nurses or something along that line... It'd be really cool if you could find a place to live with others who are suffering... even if it's not from the same things you are. i was wondering if you could possibly move in with your parents or if that'd be just way too much for you to "live with". Then at least you'd have company and people to hang around. i'm always here to listen and willing to chat when i'm on line okay.
Many hugs and prayers.

I will pray, honey! You and your parents will be fine, just keep standing up for what you believe in, and keep putting your faith in the Lord! :) HUGE HUGS!!! Love, and God bless you...

God bless u Rusty!, i am with u...we are bothers in pain way...i belive u are very brave and u have hug love for others even when u are ill...to me thats love, thats pure love what u give to all of us, when even been lonley and feel pain u send hugs and u are there to give support, and u also need a shoulder to rest u emocions..chat will be back tomorrow i hope, and i hope see u in chat, i do not live alone, cause i have my kids, but i understand u, when u says that u just have u compu and telephone, cause my kids will never been able to give me support, they need me, and i must take care and love them, in a way that lonley feeling happen to me also, i do not work, im all time at home, and my family is in my country,i do not make friends as i have there...here in US i do not have friends..well is hard cause (normal people do not understand us)...so to me this web and u, means a lot! is the difference between feel alone and know that i am not alone cause u are there and others that understand us..i am been very down also, sad..powerless over bipolar and all, i do not have control off people or situations, i just trye to control myself and protect myself and my emotions, let go and let God, acepttances it is very very hard, but iff i can take just one day at a time, just today, just this moment, this minute, and survive with the help off this web..is less hard. we just have today my friend, yesterday is gone, and tomorrow nobody knows..is just now, this day to deal with, i agree with those that sujest to u to go to a place that iff exist (dont know) a place that u will be sorround others, and healthy people arround..until that moment iff u can, remember we are here, i am here, we share same feelings...and hope and God is what keeps me going today..as u want help me, i want help u, when i help u i forget abaut my problem, cause my mind do not think in me, so help u is help myself.Rusty i love u, with uncondicional love from above, u can trust me, u are not alone, i am here with u, and in my prayers.hugs!!
u says to me breathe..i remember, now i say to u breathe, and God will do for u what u cant do for yourselfe, u have so much to give in u heart, and we need people like u, hard to find in this selfish world, so please stay there cause i need u.

Hang in there Rusty, you are doing a good job.

you are strong and courageous as i have always said to you. You know you always have me by your side and you will continue to be in my prayers. Take one day at a time and remember you are the one who counts at the end of the day. You have always been there for me and I will always be there for you.

Rusty we only became friends here recently and Im just begining to learn little more bout you, sweetie your journal entry really touched me, Im so sorry to hear your in alot of pain. In the short time Ive known you, honestly Rusty you are such a caring person, a wonderful friend. Some parts of your journal entry i could so relate to also. You are an inspiration, how you care for others with all your dealing with also, is truely a blessing, a special quality. I look forward to our friendship growing, here for you , angel hugs xx

Ditto to what the others have said Rustyc. Here anytime. Reaching out when lonely is what we should do and that's just what you are doing. Awsome on you! Right on! Don't hesitate. Just do it! (o;

Hugs and love,
Karen

rusty i have just returned from a few days away,and i read your journal,oh my friend i cry for you,it is so hard to know you are in such pain in every way and i can't get to you to help,i agree with everything all the others have said,hang in there my lovely brave friend,i will listen when you need me and pray for you when you don't,and rusty please ask for help from the people who can help you,it will make a big difference to your life i promise,i love you and send my prayers and hugs to you,helen.

FIRST THING I WANT TO SAY TO YOU, MY HOMEBOY, IS LOOK AT ALL THE SUPPORT YOU HAVE ON HERE. I MEAN, LOOK AT ALL THESE COMMENTS ON YOUR JOURNAL. YOU ARE LOVED HOMIE, YOU ARE LOVED MORE THAN YOU KNOW, WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU. DON'T FEEL BAD ABOUT CRYING, THAT IS HUMAN. IF YOU DIDN'T CRY, THEN THERE WOULD BE SOMETHING WRONG. I CRIED MYSELF TO SLEEP ALMOST EVERYNIGHT IN REHAB AND I WASN'T ASHAMED BECAUSE I NEEDED TO GET THAT OUT. I AM SO PROUD OF YOU FOR STAYING STRONG AND OUT OF THE DRUG SCENE, THAT SCENE IS ONLY GOING TO END IN TROUBLE, HURT, OR JAIL. GOOD FOR YOU. YOU SHOULD TOTALLY BE PROUD OF YOURSELF FOR BEING TRUE TO WHO YOU ARE INSIDE. YOUR FRIEND UNTIL THE BITTER END ~SHANE

i dont think you are a baby hun just stay away from them bad people no there no good at all you know you have a friend in me when you need one you have a lot of support on here

Hey Rusty, you have so many wonderful friends who care about you also. That's good to know.
I am glad you are not alone.
Take care, talk to you soon.
Hugs,
Kim

Rusty, you are great and remember it! Re-read my comment on your part one my friends! Trev

hi rusty, i am sad that you are feeling so sad and alone,i hate to think of you feeling like this,i so wish i could do something to help you to feel better,you have enough to cope with as it is,remember you can tell me anything you like i will always be here for you.love and hugs,helen.

i know his was a while ago that you wrote this but you never have to say sorry for long journals or think you are going to bore us. i have been on this site now for 3 yrs any true friend on here will never care how long and will never get bored. we are all on here for support and some of us for many reasons so there are always long journal entries somewhere. i also give you credit for wanting someone to love i am the opposite i don't care about love anymore . i just wish i was alone so when and if the big d-day comes i wouldn't leave anyone behind to get hurt.. i hope you find the special one that you are meant to be with, but you are going to have to not be afraid of telling them what is wrong with you. if they turn you down because it then you know that it isn't meant to be . plus you don't want to not tell them and invest heart mind and soul into a relationship and find out the person won't stay with you because of your health. someone thats going to truly love you with their heart mind and soul won't care. they will just care about you. hold your head up and never give up in finding your true love!