captopril's Journal

base from my experience.. iv taken care of people who had died from what u call a horrible death.. at first i was really scared because u have to bathe and clean d dead body and then wrap them up. but then, as time went by i got use to it.. people die differently.. some died in their sleep.. while others died jerking with eyes wide open like having a convulsion.. i even watch a patient die, just me and him.. i wanted to do something, but d doctor said i cant do anything.. so while d doctor went out, i stayed with d patient.. and the way he died was very scary for a person who has not witness death because he was grasping for breath with eyes wide open while shaking his body valiantly.. but looking at the person, i felt nothing.. i was so detach and i dont know y.. maybe because iv seen death too much.. but the hardest part when a person dies is informing the families.. i felt like i am a messenger of death.. and seeing them so emotional affects me.. but seeing a person die doesnt affect me.. wat does this mean?? is dealing with life harder than dealing with death.. who knows.. iv seen so many people suffer from their illness, they look more dead than alive.. some in a vegetative state.. while others, only sounds they make and eye movements connects them from reality.. iv seen so much, its unbelievable.. it makes u wonder the value of life..