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Forgotten89 
10:55am, November 23, 2008
"I'm Alright"
If you're reading this
Then I finally did it
I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye
There was no time
Understand I was stressed
Living day to day was hard
And I gave it my best
But there was nothing left
For me in this world
To convince me to stay
Now I'm long gone away
Don't you do that
Don't you start your tears
Just remember all the time we spent over the years
Never cry
Never think bad to me
What's done is done and that's the way it had to be
I need you to be strong for me
Say your prayer everyday in my memory
I'm sure it's helping me
To earn my feathers
To get some wings
And a halo and a harp and angelic things
And even though I'm gone And outta sight
Never worry about me
I'm alright
And if I should die
Don't blame yourself and keep it locked inside
I'm alright
And everytime you cry don't breakdown
Just keep me inside in your mind
You only saw the outside
Never knew what I was feeling
Now everyday you lay in bed staring at the ceiling
But you don't see me no more
You can fill your heart with memories
And things from before
But everybody got a purpose in life
To survive when the sunrise
You gonna live to see another day
Just don't follow me and live your life your own way
I'll be in set and if you forget
Get the picture with the cord around my neck
See me underground and I'm stuck
But it's cool that's where I wanna be
Keep the drama in hand but outta sight
And know that
I'mma be alright
Not only that ive been having troubles at work and at home, The only person that i thought loved me wants to have a break. i realize that i dont really deserve any kindness but after months of trying to show her that i love her and that i dont want any other woman in my life except for her she tells me that iam inconsiderate of others and i only think about my self. i never ment to hurt anyone, i never knew that i was hurting ppl. She s the first thing that i think of when i get out of bed and the last thing when i go to bed. i fear that im never gonna get her back, yeah i know i sound like a pathetic bitch but i dont care. Its hard loosing the only person that you thought loved you. i never wanted to hurt any one
Comments
There are so many things I can think of saying that have helped me, but I don't know if they would be helpful to you or anyone else. Therapy tought me how to create safety, containment, ability to recognize what was going on and ways to deal with it...all the inside parts that were "big, bad, scarey and ugly" were actually little kids hurting who had taken on the ugly thoughts and feelings of the perpetrators to survive at the moments of trauma and then to keep me safe continued to live in my head...I did not understand that the angriest parts of me were really someone else's energy I had taken on to survive and when I realized with help I was only a hurting scared precious 4 year old underneath everything
began to change for the better.....when we learn to love ourselves we are able to love others....we are always so desparate to get love "outside" ourselves that we forget
we have to gain it first inside (ofcoure with others help) but feeling happy and fullfilled can be done without
being in a close love relationship...you know, even in
AA and Narcotics Anonymous, the first year of recovery they tell you not to get involved in a serious relationship becauase wisdom and experience has shown that people need time to heal from their wounds and learn different ways to nurture themselves and be with others or they will just repeat old patterns in their relationships and not have yet learned why and how....
if you don't have money you can always find support, friendship and help in Alanon, Al-a-teen, and these kinds of 12 step programs...the hardest part is that you have
to make a decision (set an intention) to get better, make a plan and stick with it...that's how we get better...all of us here...it takes hard work but it pays off...I will keep checking your posts to see how you are doing....focus on you, not another for now. Make that first step JUST for you...Show love toward yourself that is the first step of the journey! You CAN do it. love, earthlake
truthtelr