Journal

I survived 3 and a half weeks with Mom.

I didn't kill her.  I am still alive also, but there were moments.

Mom and I are not able to spend more than a week at a time together.  Its ok.  I understand her issues.  I also know she is right when she rambles and rants about me being 26 and mothers and daughters not living together.  However given how my MS has progressed so, she coulda been a LOT more sensitive!

Anywho...  I will be going on Novantrone (spell?) as soon as my neuro orders everything.  Chemo...  kinda scary but necessary.  New...

Rochester went ok.  I got a uti and a horrid spinal headache.  Thats where a lot of the issues with mom started.  She doesnt know how to handle me at my worst.  The MS specialist I saw was such a smartass lol!!  Great guy but definitely a smartass...  Teasing me like that! 

I had one fall which I had to call 911 for cuz my muscles decided they were too tired to work...  BOOO!

My mom took me back to Ames Saturday.  She was so happy to get rid of me.  Terrorcat is happy to be home!  I missed my shower!

My uncle and grandma came and cleaned and we went to hickory Park yesterday...  YAY!

And now I have another UTI...  Pecking away at my sanity....

I survived this Rochester thing...  I didnt kill my mother....  I am not in prison...  Mission accomplished!

Good news, I am out of the hospital!

They sent me home with a taper dose of steroids, I feel much better MS wise.  I pee constantly it seems, but I was told that it comes with the water from the solumedrol.

Even before the appointment was scheduled, my mom was going on a tirade....  Get to Iowa City..I can't be taking off work.... I cant be doing all that driving... I can't afford to board the dogs... I need those vacation days for me.... etc etc etc... Get to IC...  .

Morning after I get hlome I get a call from Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN to schedule an appt.  I was like uhhh ummm  sure I guess...  I don't have transportation help!

So I call around to resources and am coming up with pretty much zilch as far as what I need...  I mean there are limited money type resources and some transportation, but not quite the assistance I need at this point. 

I got to thinking after talking to the MS Foundation that if I eliminated some of moms hangups that she would have a better chance to say yes.  When I talked to mom i asked her if i could find a ride to her place if she wouldnt take me to rochester on the 10th. This way she doesnt have to board dogs, drive to ames and so on... I told her that all she would have to do is buy a couple grab bars for the bathroom so I could function. After some careful arguing I got her to cave.... It shouldn't have to be this hard with your own kid!

I called an aunt in Cedar Rapids who is doing an outreach class in the Waukon area on the 5th. I didnt even ask her to take me, but she started looking at her schedule as far as when it would be convenient for her automatically... It shocked me... She said that she was willing to take me to Castalia on her way through... even though Ames is out of her way completely... I just have to be ready by 630 am...

Of course money and time off work is a big issue with mom too. She has been circulating between the "caved" status and her "tirade" status since the appointment in Rochester was scheduled. It makes me stressed... of course a good portion of that could be the steroids too, but either way I think the goal will be accomplished. Now I just have to say sane and not kill my mother through all this and I will be ok.

Pretty much any other mother on the face of the planet in this situation would figure out a way to help their kid.  Granted, I am 26 now and should be able to take care of things myself...  but everyone needs help sometimes.  I told her over the phone today that I wish she would start acting a little more like a real mother and a little less like an egg donor.  This is vital for me...  At least thats what Doc K said as his blue eyes and wrinkled face gave me that "Fuck around and you'll be sorry" look....  That ice cold glare is enough to send chills down anyone's spine, especially coming from a guy as respected as Doc K.

I pretty much have everything set to go to Rochester...  My family is causing so much god damn  drama right now.  Money here... who is it coming from...  why is your mom being like this... she should pay your cell bill...

I am getting inheritance from Donald as soon as the probate process takes its place...  I am  getting social security as soon as they process everything.  I will be good for any money,  People will have to wait till May, thats all!  Social security should be in before then.

Why does it have to be so hard to care for your kid!

I am now back in the hospital AGAIN!

Realistically I should have spent MLK day in the hospital, but oh well..  I got steroids...  I found out that I have a couple more lesions on my brain..

Probably gonna be here till like around early to mid week next week depending on how things go...  thank GOD James brought me my computer tonight..  its so boring in the hospital!

Ok so this cements my decision to drop out of school after this semester.  I will be fine without school...  Even though I will miss it, I wont miss trying to catch up in between dizzy spells and hospital visits...

Doc M entertained me today though when he stopped by this afternoon....  "You got me all weekend girl!"  He did a little shimmy when he said it..   A personality lol!!   Priceless! 

I wish Doc K had more of a personality like that lol...  Doc K is a good doc but he is so straight forward and by the book that the one time I did get a half a smile out of the guy totally entertained me then..  the guy needs to loosen up lol!

so thats whats up...  yay for steroids... Yay for the computer!  score me!  Hate the hospital sometimes, but it is what it is... no biggie.. get the sterolds and get out!

and no perfume lady this time either!