Journal

On the Breakups and Divorce support groups I saw a post about poems and songs folks had written about their ex's or STBX's, which sparked my imagination.  This poem kinda turned into a song and I thing it would be a country song if it was ever actually sung (heaven forbid).  This is my first attempt at writing a song, so it probably sucks but oh well, I found it funny, cathartic and fun.  I don't have enough guts to post it on the Breakups & Divorce forum though.

 

 

“Let Me Tell Ya….How I Don’t Miss”

(written 9/7/09)

 

First of all, let me tell ya

That I’m doing just fine

I got a great ol’ dog

Yeah….he treats me right

He knows how to fetch

He loves me to death

Yeah he’s cute and bright

 

[fiddle]

 

Chorus:

 

Let me tell ya….how I don’t miss…

Getting permission for any ol’ thing

Let me tell ya….how I don’t miss…

Waiting for that phone to ring

Let me tell ya….how I don’t miss…

Eating hot dogs every Thursday night

Let me tell ya….how I don’t miss…

Trying to get everything just right

Honey….I don’t miss you one bit!

 

[fiddle]

 

I got me a job and a brand new place

So don’t you worry ‘bout me

I’m doing fine, you see

Of course you never looked back

Only person worrying about your sins is the Lord,

And boy, He keeps track

Maybe you ought to watch your back

 

Chorus:

 

Let me tell ya….how I don’t miss…

Crying all night and praying all day

Let me tell ya….how I don’t miss…

Everything had to be your way

Let me tell ya….how I don’t miss…

Fetching your food or seeing your mess

Let me tell ya….how I don’t miss…

Washing your clothes or dealing with stress

Honey….I don’t miss you one bit!

 

 

So I’m moving on

And my life’s on track

I hope you’re doing well

And you never come back

My life is sweeter now

And much easier

Please don’t call or write

I don’t miss your games

Or your love to fight

 

[fiddle]

 

Chorus:

 

Let me tell ya….how I don’t miss…

You lying face and anger fits

Let me tell ya….how I don’t miss…

Your ugly camo and stinky pits

Let me tell ya….how I don’t miss…

Being told what to do everyday

Let me tell ya….how I don’t miss…

And your boring, routine lay

Honey….I don’t miss you one bit!

 

Goodbye and good riddance.     

Emotional Stages of Divorce:

Denial:

You find it hard to believe this is happening to you. You refuse to accept that the relationship is over and struggle with trying to find solutions to the marital problems. You will spend time believing that if you do or say the right thing your spouse will come home.

You hate feeling out of control of the destiny of your marriage. You will be convinced that divorce is not the solution to the marital problems.

Shock:

You will feel panic, rage, and numbness or like you are going crazy. You will swing between despair that your marriage is over and hope that it will be restored. It will seem impossible to cope with these feelings

You will experience some common fears when thinking about your future alone. You will wonder how you are going to survive. Will you ever find love again, will the pain ever end or will you feel this way the rest of your life are all feelings you will experience during this stage.

Rollercoaster:

You can’t seem to settle your feelings and thoughts. You swing from being hopeful to feeling utter despair. During this stage, you will try to intellectualize what has happened. If you can only understand what is going on then the pain will go away and all will make sense again.

You will tell yourself stories to try to make sense of it and your imagination will run wild. You will wonder if there was more you could have done, or if there is anything wrong with you. Maybe your spouse never even loved you. You will wonder if your entire marriage was a lie.

There is a lot of mental re-hashing during this period. You will fill as if you can’t control your thinking and find yourself obsessed with the failure of your marriage. Depression is a danger at this stage and you may cry at the drop of a hat.

Bargaining:

You are still holding onto the hope that your marriage will be restored. There is a willingness to change anything about yourself or doing anything and that if you could just get it right, your spouse would return. The important thing to learn during this stage is that you can’t control the thoughts, desires or actions of another human being.

Letting Go:

During this stage you will finally realize that the marriage is over, that there is nothing you can do or say to change that. You will become more willing to forgive the faults of your ex spouse and take responsibility for your part in the breakdown of the marriage.

You will begin to feel a sense of liberation and some hope for the future.

Acceptance

The obsessive thoughts have stopped, the need to heal your marriage is behind you and you begin to feel as if you can and will have a fulfilling life. Suddenly you are looking ahead and not behind you, you are making plans and following through with them.

You will open up to the idea of finding new interests. This is a period of growth where you will discover that you have strengths and talents and are able to go forward in spite of the fear you feel.

Your pain gives way to hope and you discover that there is life after divorce and the future is made brighter due to the pain you have suffered.

There is no project plan… no time line…. No schedule to when it stops hurting. But it does get better…. breath by breath ….minute by minute… step by step…. Day by day…

Here’s a manual we’ve put together to try and help:

http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Bre...